Melissa Gepford THE CONCISE GUIDE FOR CONGREGATIONAL CARE Words to Use in Every Setting THE CONCISE GUIDE FOR CONGREGATIONAL CARE Copyright © 2022 by Abingdon Press All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act, the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act, or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Permissions, Abingdon Press, 810 12th Avenue South, Nashville, TN 37203-4704, or emailed to permissions@abingdonpress.com. LCCN: 2022932874 ISBN: 978-1-7910-2410-9 Scripture quotations unless noted otherwise are from the Common English Bible. Copyright © 2011 by the Common English Bible. All rights reserved. Used by permission. www.CommonEnglishBible.com. Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked KJV are from The Authorized (King James) Version. Rights in the Authorized Version in the United Kingdom are vested in the Crown. Reproduced by permission of the Crown’s patentee, Cambridge University Press. Scripture quotations marked NLV are taken from the New Life Version copyright © 1968 and 2003. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NRSV are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. http://nrsvbibles.org/ 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 — 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA CONTENTS Foreword by Karen Lampe Introduction Part 1: Foundations for Care Theology of Care Boundaries for Care Examples of Helpful Questions Procedures and Practices Part 2: Prayers, Scriptures, and Other Tools Crisis and Trauma Addiction Anger Anxiety Cancer/Chronic Illness Depression Mental Illness Rape/Sexual Assault Suicide Communal Trauma Global Events Local Events Natural Disaster Lament of Injustice Elections Division COVID-19 Grief and Loss Death General Lament Loss of a Loved One Divorce Breakup Loss of How Things Used to Be When Things Aren’t What You Thought They’d Be Letting Go Infertility, Miscarriage, and Stillbirth Part 3: Marking the Moments Anointing Service Seasons of Life and Milestone Blessings Adoption/Fostering Aging Related Changes Baptism/Child Dedication Empty Nester Becoming a Grandparent Birthdays Blessing of the Backpacks Blessing of a Home Blessing of the Pets Caregiving Celebrating Growth Commemorating Change Confirmation First Bible Graduation New Name/Gender Transition Raising Children Recovery Anniversary Remission/Successful Medical Intervention Retirement Transition to Adolescence Wedding Anniversary/Vow Renewal/Ring Exchange Appendix: The Caring Congregation Resources FOREWORD Nearly every day of ministry for pastors and congregational care ministers is full of opportunity to help others find redemption, resurrection, and wholeness in the midst of trauma and pain. But anyone who is actively serving to provide care will at times feel ill equipped or unprepared. The situations can be extraordinarily challenging. The conversations are often startlingly difficult. There have been times when I have prayed, “Okay, Lord, if I’m all you’ve got, I’ll go. But I’m on my knees asking for your Holy Spirit to guide me.” All of us pastors and care ministers—no matter how long we’ve been doing ministry—are looking for practical guidance and help to offer the very best care in Jesus’s name. This text should give you a measure of confidence that you can provide Christlike healing for just about any human situation. You’ll find a framework of care for the settings and circumstances you’re most likely to encounter. You’ll be able to quickly turn to talking points, scriptures, resources, and prayers or words of encouragement that are just right for the situation, which you can read aloud or modify using your own words. This book is streamlined and concise, so you’ll find it to be handy as well as highly functional. We hope you will tuck the book into your glovebox, backpack, or bag, or keep it in your pocket. You might also keep a copy in the top drawer of your desk, or beside your chair in the space where you provide spiritual guidance and prayer. I encourage you to make this book your own, too. Add your favorite passages to the lists of scriptures. Write out words of prayer that have been most powerful in your settings. Make notes of the important resources in your area. When you gain an insight that will help in other situations, write it down. This book includes space for you. My hope is that you are working with at least one other person as a congregational care team. Consider going through the book together, discussing each situation and sharing in role play using the words and guidance in the book. This will help you get comfortable using the book and will equip you for the situations you’ll face as a congregational care provider. And you will learn from one another! I have learned so much by listening to how others would offer care. What a gift it is to grow together as a team as you offer healing. We all have books that are our “working” texts. I hope and believe this book will become a close companion for your daily ministry. I am praying for you now: new courage, assurance, and the light of Christ. And let it be so, Rev. Karen Lampe Founding Pastor, The Caring Congregation www.thecaringcongregation.com INTRODUCTION When I received my first assignment to visit a family whose mother was actively dying, I sped to the nursing facility with my care essentials—a Bible, a set of congregational care ministry cards (these contain information on specific care topics), a congregational caregiver’s manual, a pen and pad of paper to take notes, and a vial of anointing oil. In hindsight, I really needed a backpack to lug all of that around! The family greeted me warmly at the door of the nursing facility and led me to their mother’s room. It was quiet, pregnant with holy pause, as the veil between heaven and earth got thinner and thinner. I offered to read some scripture and pray with the family. Then I found myself rummaging through care cards, flipping through my Bible to different verses I’d bookmarked, and fumbled the vial of oil. Nothing like a clumsy pastor to really dampen the mood. I say I needed a backpack, but what I really needed was one book that I could bring along with me that had scriptures and prayers easily accessible for that particular visit to eliminate the rummaging, flipping, and fumbling. Perhaps you, too, have thought how useful a little booklet like that would be. If you are like most care ministers, you are constantly on the run, visiting people in hospitals, care centers, and homes. You need a resource where the right material is available to you at a moment’s notice, at your fingertips. You need a resource that equips you in just a few moments, preparing you for each encounter, so that you’re ready with accurate information, helpful questions, and words of comfort and wisdom. You need a resource that’s portable, one that you can carry with you wherever you go to provide care. And you need a resource that’s appropriate for the serious, weighty, and sacred occasions in which you serve. For most of us, that means a simple, quiet, subdued, printed book—not a phone or tablet. This concise guide is a portable and easy-to-use tool, which includes the full text of prayers, scripture passages, and other material that are helpful for reading or sharing with people. HOW TO USE THIS BOOK This Concise Guide to Congregational Care is for pastors, congregational care ministers (CCMs), and others who provide care to congregation members and others in their communities. It is even helpful for people who wish to provide spiritual care for family and friends. This book offers the essentials for in-person or remote visits and calls on the most common and important topics. Part 1 offers quick reminders of the foundations for care: key points to remember for theology, boundaries, procedures and practices, and technology as a tool for care. Part 2 provides the full text of relevant scripture passages, brief prayers, and blessings for times of crisis, challenging life events or situations during which people need care. It also includes important talking points, along with lists of other books, organizations, and resources. You’ll turn to this section again and again to find just the right few words in even the most challenging circumstance. Words are so important, and this section will help you use them to offer real help, and not harm. Part 3 equips you to be a meaningful spiritual guide in moments that go beyond crisis care. Those moments include adoption, blessing of a home, blessing of pets, celebrating growth, graduations, and many other milestones and seasons of life. You’ll find scripture passages and brief prayers for each topic. This section also includes guidance and instruction for conducting a brief anointing service, which is useful in a variety of situations. At the back of the book, you’ll find a list of key resources consisting of helpful tools, websites, and more for specific topics. The Concise Guide to Congregational Care works best when used as an aid in care calls or visits. When preparing for such a conversation, you will likely know the topic you will address with the person receiving care. I invite you to bookmark the section of the book you intend to use for easy access when providing care. In parts 2 and 3, each brief section addresses a particular topic or situation, and provides a number of appropriate scripture references. The full text for each scripture passage is included, eliminating the need to flip between this book and your Bible. You may read each scripture or choose a couple that best fit the situation. A prayer is also provided for each topic. You may read the written prayer aloud, or if you are more comfortable praying from the heart rather than reading a written prayer, please do so! The prayers here might make a good starting point for your own prayers. In some caregiving situations, you will need extra preparation and more specific words to use. This is especially true in new settings, particularly painful or sensitive situations, or in circumstances that you’ve not encountered before. In these cases, we suggest you consider reviewing the relevant talking points, which you’ll find just after the scriptures and prayers. THE CARING CONGREGATION MINISTRY This Concise Guide to Congregational Care is based on resources that are part of The Caring Congregation Ministry system. The Caring Congregation Ministry is a model for person-to-person care that has been proven to work in small and large churches across the United States. It is a laity-centered ministry, where laypersons receive rigorous training and then are commissioned to serve as congregational care ministers, caring for others in their own congregation and their extended community. This ministry of Congregational Care was started at the United Methodist Church of the Resurrection by the Reverend Karen Lampe, when church leaders and Karen realized that their ministry could be so much more effective if they had a trained group of volunteers to help with all of the caring ministries including hospital calls, support groups/classes, pastoral listening, and any other number of care needs. The ministry grew, was refined, and became an integral part of Resurrection’s congregational life. Other church leaders asked for guidance as they sought to develop this type of ministry for their own congregations. This model of care has been utilized and adapted for many different denominations and scales well to fit any sized church. And now it has been shared with churches throughout the United States. After retirement from local church ministry, Rev. Lampe established The Caring Congregation, LLC, which hosts seminars, webinars, podcasts, and virtual courses in this method of care. She raised up a team of women throughout the country that collaborates in coaching, consulting, and curating resources to bolster local churches around the world in their congregational care ministries. This book is one of those resources. HOW THE CARING CONGREGATION MINISTRY MODEL WORKS Caring for people can get messy. We recognize that each person’s concern or crisis is unique and will require wisdom in determining the next right step for them. We have outlined three general steps to provide care effectively as a congregation. Intake and Dispatch—Director and dispatcher curate and assign each care request to a CCM (see the digital files for examples of prayer request cards and other useful resources for intake and dispatch). Follow Up—CCMs receive their assignments weekly and follow up with the person requesting care. Documentation—After each assigned follow-up, the CCM documents their interaction. This book provides aid solely within the “Follow Up” section—with a gentle (yet firm!) reminder to document after every follow-up, visit, or call! This information can be stored in a shared drive, on paper, or on some other platform. Regardless of the mode, this information should be kept in a safe place for confidential purposes, while also being accessible to, at least, the director of congregational care. We do this for accountability and information sharing, should another CCM be providing care for that person in another CCM’s absence. A word on confidentiality: the trust that people give to you as pastors and CCMs can never be overlooked. You must be vigilant in this regard. To this end, set guidelines on the type of information that should be kept under lock and key, accessible to the pastor only. If the documents are digital, be sure they are either password protected, require a church-issued email address, or both. You will find a holistic view of The Caring Congregation Ministry system, training modules, and more in The Caring Congregation Ministry: Implementation Guide and The Caring Congregation Ministry: Care Minister’s Manual. The Implementation Guide is the main book for getting started. It introduces the ministry model and explains the five essentials that form the ministry’s foundation. It is practical, full of checklists and other tools to help pastors and other leaders understand (and explain) this way of providing congregational care. The Care Minister’s Manual is the personal training workbook and reference guide for CCMs, who serve a central role in the caring congregation ministry. CCMs receive in-depth training, where they learn the theological foundations of congregational care, plus the behaviors, habits, and practices they will need to follow in order to serve others well. Each CCM-in-training should have a copy of the Care Minister’s Manual. It serves as their training workbook, which then becomes the CCM’s personal reference guide. This book, The Concise Guide to Congregational Care, is an essential tool for CCMs and others who provide care. It is the portable resource that quickly and appropriately provides caregivers with the right words to say in any situation. My deepest gratitude goes to Rev. Joy Dister-Dominguez and Rev. Laura Berg, two brilliant women who contributed scripture and prayers to this work. My deepest gratitude goes to Rev. Joy Dister-Dominguez and Rev. Laura Berg, two brilliant women who contributed scripture and prayers to this work. My deepest gratitude goes to Rev. Joy Dister-Dominguez and Rev. Laura Berg, two brilliant women who contributed scripture and prayers to this work. Part 1 FOUNDATIONS FOR CARE THEOLOGY OF CARE Key Points to Remember How we define our part in Jesus’s healing ministry is integral to our theology. Jesus ​Constantly in prayer ​Literally got down in the dirt with people ​Willing to go the extra mile ​Wildly inclusive ​Had a team of people Servant Leadership ​Jesus washed the disciples’ feet as a shocking display of servanthood—one the disciples didn’t quite understand. ​The way of Jesus is servant leadership, and he calls us to the same. ​Jesus commanded the disciples to love one another. Redemption ​The simple definition of redemption is “to restore.” Restore to what? Restore to being the whole person God intends. ​Through acts of care, people can find restoration in the middle of death and grief, or in simple acts of kindness. Prayer ​Prayer, at its simplest, is talking to God. ​Prayer opens ourselves up to God. ​Prayer can be silent or out loud; it can be in a group, or solo. We pray out of gratitude for good things, or out of mourning for lost things—or even screaming prayers of anguish for troubling things. Different Forms of Prayer Acts ​Adoration: praise God ​Confession: confess fear, struggle, or sin ​Thanksgiving: offer gratitude ​Supplication: ask God for needs The Collect (pronounced cáh-lect) ​Invocation: call upon God by name ​Attribute of God: name an attribute of God that fits the petition ​Petition: What one thing are you asking God to do? ​Purpose: the “so that” or anticipated result ​Closing: praise word or basis for asking ​Affirmation: “Amen” Praying Scripture ​Read scripture aloud slowly. ​Pause in silence. Contemplate the passage. What is God saying? (If nothing, that’s OK. Not all verses speak all the time.) How would you paraphrase this passage? ​Read the passage aloud again. Pause in silence. ​Note the portion that stops you because it touches your heart. You may turn it into a simple prayer. Miracles ​Sometimes we ask God to do miraculous things, and sometimes they happen. Other times, we pray … and we hear silence. ​Even when God doesn’t answer how we want, God’s presence begins to strengthen us for what is coming. Prayer invites God’s presence to suffuse our spirits; God’s will to prevail in our lives. Prayer might not bring water to parched fields, nor mend a broken bridge, nor rebuild a ruined city. But prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, rebuild a weakened will. —Rabbi Ferdinand Isserman BOUNDARIES FOR CARE Key Points to Remember Boundaries are the limits or borders we place on relationships that allow us to balance closeness and freedom. Boundaries can exist to safeguard as well as to delineate what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. When you are ministering to another person, not only do you need to respect their boundaries, you must also set boundaries for your relationship with them. Remember as a pastor or CCM, you are legally considered to be the person of authority, which means you must consider every interaction. Listening ​Clear your thoughts. ​Do not try to think of answers ahead of time. ​Provide a non-anxious presence. ​Face the person when listening. ​Make eye contact. ​Lean in. ​Remind the person this is a safe place if they seem hesitant to share. ​Eliminate distractions—no cell phones, loud noises, or people chatting outside your door. ​Allow them to speak without interruption. ​Be attentive; no yawning. Don’t look around the room. ​Listen to how something is said. ​Observe the person’s body language and what might be left unsaid. Empathy ​Allow the person to express their emotions. ​Acknowledge the person’s pain, fear, anxiety, sadness. ​Sitting in silence can be a gift. ​Do not make assumptions. ​Offer feedback, but resist giving advice. ​Repeat or rephrase what is shared: “What I’m hearing you say is …” ​After the story has been told, allow time to reflect briefly on what you have heard. Actions and Reactions ​Be cautious about sharing your personal information. ​This will confuse your role—you will be seen as a friend, not a caregiver ​The person may take on your concerns. ​Do not share about yourself because you feel the need to talk. ​Only share information if it would be helpful for encouragement or as a teaching example. ​Use physical touch sparingly. ​Touch can be a powerful tool—it can be healing and comforting, or confusing, hurtful, and unwelcome. ​Use only when it serves a good purpose—the person’s needs, not your own. ​Ask permission first. ​Stay mindful of your tone and words. ​Stay mindful of how you respond. ​A person’s strong emotions may trigger your own. ​It is normal to feel sadness, annoyance, fear, attraction, frustration, protectiveness, or sympathy. ​It is not helpful to express or act on these reactions. ​Give care and attention regardless of an emotional reaction. This takes practice! Basic Rules ​Never allow yourself to be in an unsafe or compromising situation. ​Understand that you are in a position of power when you are caring for someone. ​Never “set a date” for a meal or coffee; never travel with a person for whom you are caring. ​Never care for someone alone in your church. ​Never go to a home visit alone if it may put you in a dangerous situation. ​It is never appropriate to be in a romantic relationship with a person for whom you are caring. ​Never share a person’s personal information. ​HIPAA protects the privacy of a person’s health information. Churches are exempt from HIPAA, but as caregivers, you must diligently guard their confidentiality. Setting Your Own Boundaries Some sessions offer surprising challenges. People can become frustrated or start digging into things that are hurtful or scary as they remember them. Try your best to remain a listening presence, but do not allow their emotions to pull you into extra drama. A skilled pastor or CCM realizes that most people aren’t even aware of the mechanisms they use to cope. It is as if they learned from childhood that this is how to get their way or get their points advanced. Be alert for any patterns of manipulation. Help people grow by showing them other ways of communicating. Know Your Limits ​As a CCM, you can provide a listening ear, empathy, and spiritual care. Recognize that you may not be able to provide care for someone who is struggling with mental illness. ​If you are not a licensed counselor or mental health professional, do not attempt to diagnose, treat, or use your meeting times as counseling. ​Keep a list of phone numbers of places and persons in your community that provide mental health care, suicide-prevention help, and other professional services. ​Refer that person to someone who can offer the professional medical help they need. ​If you sense danger of self-harm or of harming others, do not hesitate to call 911. If you are on the phone with them, remain there and have another person call 911. ​If you are finding yourself triggered by a particular person’s story, issue, or experiences for whom you are offering care, it may be time for another CCM to take over care. Say something to your director of congregational care. Communicate Your Availability to Those for Whom You Offer Care ​Do not share personal contact information if you do not feel safe to do so. ​Identify when it is appropriate and when it is inappropriate for them to reach out to you. ​Do not be on-call every day of the week. Take a sabbath! ​Communicate clearly, concisely, and without apology. This can be done with kindness and grace! EXAMPLES OF HELPFUL QUESTIONS Beginning Questions ​What brings you here today? What’s on your heart today? ​If this is not the first visit, you might review your previous session and then ask what has transpired since you last met. Clarifying Questions ​Could you tell me more about that? ​How did that make you feel? Spiritual Questions ​How is it with your soul? ​What is your relationship with God? ​When did you feel closest to God? ​Listen to clues about the person’s spiritual well-being, including prayer life, scripture reading, journaling, quiet moments, activity in groups, and worship. ​Are you connecting with God on a daily or weekly basis? Questions When You Are Caring for Couples with Marital Problems ​Do you both want this marriage to work? ​Do you pray and worship together? Questions When You See Signs of Depression or Mental Illness That Alarm You ​How are you sleeping? How are you eating? ​Have you ever felt suicidal? Do you have a plan to harm yourself? If there is anything that makes you think the person is suicidal or might harm someone else, share that you are obligated by law to share the information with the appropriate people. All helping professionals are required to report child abuse. Your reporting requirements as well as the limits of confidentiality will vary according to your state laws. Please make sure you know these regulations and can communicate them as needed to persons seeking care. Questions When You Are Caring for Someone in Relationship Crisis ​Are you in a safe place right now? ​Do you have a plan if you need to get out quickly? PROCEDURES AND PRACTICES Key Points to Remember Many times, people in crisis will come first to their CCM or pastor because they hope to have a safe, confidential place to navigate a difficult situation. Remember that as you take on this role, no one is expecting you to be their savior. Prior to Visitation ​Do not visit if you are sick. ​Do not go alone if there is any obvious danger. ​Adapt technologically to the situation. ​Observe other important local guidelines. ​Wear washable clothing. ​Wear a name tag. ​Keep clean masks readily available. ​Carry a Bible, this Concise Guide, anointing oil, and business cards. ​Perhaps carry a small supply of appropriate gifts in your car. ​Pray before each conversation. During the Visit ​Your body language should convey a non-judgmental curiosity. ​Your tone of voice should convey a non-anxious presence. ​Assure the person of confidentiality. ​Have them fill out any necessary paperwork that would be good for your records. ​Convey to them that you’d like to take a few notes. ​Inform them of your boundaries, such as how many times you will meet. ​Let them know you are asking as their congregational care minister and that you are not a counselor. You want to offer them spiritual guidance and assurance. ​Make the space as holy as you can. Even if it is a Zoom Room. ​Pray with the congregant. ​Ask good, clarifying, spiritual questions. ​Watch for signs of mental health needs, such as depression or anxiety. ​Be empathetic. Allow them to express their emotions. ​Reflect to them what you have heard. ​Offer resources such as scripture, books, support-group options, online sermons, or classes. ​Give them homework that encourages them. Key Guidelines for the Frail and Elderly ​Know the names of key nursing facilities. ​Remember the names of key staff. ​Learn the names of key care receivers. ​Observe the local protocol for a pandemic or other special circumstances. ​Speak and move slowly. ​Aways wear your name tag; also always tell the person your name. ​Kneel or sit in a chair at eye level. ​Do not hurry. ​Allow them time to tell their stories. ​Be ready with anointing oil, scripture, prayer, and communion if allowed. Key Local Resources Information (Addresses and Phone Numbers) Use the space provided on the following pages to list the important resources in your community, so that you have the information handy whenever you need it. Be sure to include phone numbers, email addresses, contact names and job titles, physical addresses, and other pertinent information. Here are some categories to consider: hospitals care homes food pantries mental health agencies other important resources Using Technology as a Tool for Care Innovation in the technology industry is changing at an exponential rate compared to previous generations. Churches have often been resistant to incorporating new technologies into ministry practices, but in March 2020, local churches were thrust into adaptation mode. Worship went online for the first time for many churches; meetings became virtual; children’s and youth ministries led the way with innovative ideas. And just like that, congregational care adapted as well. Care ministers across the country shared some of the ways they provided care from a distance: delivery packages, handwritten notes, chalking driveways, window visits, and one care team even organized a prayer vigil with singing and candles for a woman in her final days. We know that the ministry of presence is powerful, and in most cases, literal presence is preferable. But the COVID-19 pandemic has taught us that things don’t always go as planned or preferred. Face-to-face gathering may be preferred, but sometimes that’s not possible due to a variety of circumstances: Epidemics or pandemics Illness Patient with a compromised immune system Children who are busy Someone who worships online at a distance Social anxieties The landscape has changed, and local churches and care ministries get to adapt with these changes! Instead of wringing our hands and wishing we could visit these people in person, we can still offer excellent care. None of these circumstances should get in the way of us providing the best care possible! There are many tools available to us so that we can remain in connection through technology. Phone calls Text messages Direct messages on social media Video chats Every person has their own preferences for receiving care, and it is important to express care on their terms. I encourage you to reach out virtually to the person receiving care and ask them how they would prefer to interface. Take special note of a recipient’s age or generation and be aware of the methods different generations typically prefer: Elderly folks tend to enjoy face-to-face interaction the most. Boomers often appreciate a phone call and a face-to-face chat, if warranted. Millennials often respond better to emails and texts. Generation Z may prefer texts and social media direct messages. The younger an individual is, the more they may prefer an initial virtual meeting prior to meeting face-to-face. Part 2 PRAYERS, SCRIPTURES, AND OTHER TOOLS CRISIS AND TRAUMA As challenging as traumatic moments are across our communities, they offer an opening for the church to bring Christlike healing. This section will address some very current situations and provide scripture and prayers while leading people out of the darkest of moments. It is absolutely essential that our own theology as people of faith be well thought out. Probably most important, remember that crisis and trauma are not God’s will for our lives but rather the result of living in an imperfect world where bad things happen. God is with us through the crisis and helps us have our own moments of resurrecting out of the trauma. As caregivers, it is essential to be able to assure people that God is with them, helping them to make it through the pain and then to eventually help them rise up into new creatures in Christ. Addiction “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 NRSV Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words…. In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. —Romans 8:26, 37-38 NRSV I don’t know what I’m doing, because I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do the thing that I hate. But if I’m doing the thing that I don’t want to do, I’m agreeing that the Law is right. But now I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, it’s sin that lives in me. I know that good doesn’t live in me—that is, in my body. The desire to do good is inside of me, but I can’t do it. I don’t do the good that I want to do, but I do the evil that I don’t want to do. But if I do the very thing that I don’t want to do, then I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, it is sin that lives in me that is doing it. —Romans 7:15-20 It’s not that I have already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose. Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. The goal I pursue is the prize of God’s upward call in Christ Jesus. So all of us who are spiritually mature should think this way, and if anyone thinks differently, God will reveal it to him or her. Only let’s live in a way that is consistent with whatever level we have reached. —Philippians 3:12-16 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. —Reinhold Niebuhr, “Serenity Prayer” Talking Points ​There is a need for the person to have the will to recover. The person’s ownership of the problem and intention to begin to recover has to come first. ​Acknowledge the dependence on alcohol, drugs, pornography, and so forth. ​There are people who can walk alongside you on this journey. They may be in recovery from their own journeys. ​You can live a new life in Christ. ​Love yourself: you are a child of God. Shaming yourself does not help. ​Set aside a disciplined time and place to work on your addiction. ​People with substance use disorders need additional help beyond congregational care: counseling, medical assistance, and in many cases prescription medication. Suggested Readings Nurturing the Light Inside: Overcoming Addiction and Codependency on the Path to Self-Love by Sherry Danner Intervention: How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help by Vernon Johnson Addict in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery by Beverly Conyers Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie Life Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-Ups, and Habits by John Baker The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, 4th ed., by AA Services Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey Resources Alcoholic Anonymous: www.aa.org Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org Al-Anon: www.al-anon.alateen.org Recovery Ministry at COR.org Anger Pursue the goal of peace along with everyone—and holiness as well, because no one will see the Lord without it. Make sure that no one misses out on God’s grace. Make sure that no root of bitterness grows up that might cause trouble and pollute many people. —Hebrews 12:14-15 Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say. —Ephesians 4:29 Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry. —James 1:19 Savior Jesus, my anger has not provided the healing, respect, and intimacy that I want. Forgive me for the ways that I have hurt others. I place the hurt that is causing my anger in your hands. Heal me, Lord Jesus. I need you. Amen. Talking Points ​Anger is a trailhead that points to some hurt in a person’s life. To find healing for that anger, direct the person to reflect on the following: O Why does this of all things make you so angry? Follow that question until you find the wound that you tend to lock up. Ask Jesus in prayer to heal that pain, which is using anger to feed it. Schedule an appointment with either a pastor or a therapist, or both, to talk about the anger. The goal is not to erase the hurt but to recognize it and find better ways of healing other than becoming angry. Counting to ten, walking away, or giving yourself space can be helpful when enraged. Suggested Reading and Resources The Angry Book by Theodore Rubin Anger by Gary Chapman The Art of Forgiveness by Lewis Smedes Forgiveness by Lewis Smedes You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz Angry God by Michelle Novotini The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner Anger Management Classes Provide the person a list of anger management classes, support groups, or other resources for learning and support. Anxiety Anxiety leads to depression, but a good word encourages. —Proverbs 12:25 Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. —1 Peter 5:7 Be glad in the Lord always! Again I say, be glad! Let your gentleness show in your treatment of all people. The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. —Philippians 4:4-6 But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior…. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you. —Excerpts from Isaiah 43 “Therefore, I say to you, don’t worry about your life, what you’ll eat or what you’ll drink, or about your body, what you’ll wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than they are? Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? Notice how the lilies in the field grow. They don’t wear themselves out with work, and they don’t spin cloth. But I say to you that even Solomon in all of his splendor wasn’t dressed like one of these. If God dresses grass in the field so beautifully, even though it’s alive today and tomorrow it’s thrown into the furnace, won’t God do much more for you, you people of weak faith? Therefore, don’t worry and say, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ Gentiles long for all these things. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them. Instead, desire first and foremost God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” —Matthew 6:25-34 One prayer tool you can share is a simple ABC Prayer: “A” is to acknowledge how you are feeling, without judgment. “B” is being aware of your breath. Breathing in peace, exhaling your pain. “C” is choosing to be full of love, light, grace, peace, and joy. Key Symptoms of Anxiety ​Excessive worrying ​Panic, fear, and restlessness ​Sleep problems ​Not being able to stay calm or still ​Cold, sweaty, numb, or tingling hands or feet ​Shortness of breath ​Hearth palpitations ​Dry mouth ​Nausea Talking Points ​To find healing for anxiety, direct the person to reflect on the following: ​Listen to the anxiety. What wisdom and instruction is it telling you? ​Some degree of anxiety can be good. ​Fear differs from anxiety. ​Legitimate fears have an object. ​Obsessive worry can cause unhealthy anxiety. ​In the Bible, the Greek word for anxiety comes from two root words that mean “divide” and “mind.” ​You are a child of God and you are loved. ​What is the root cause of your anxiety? ​Can you name triggers, the things that cause you to be anxious? ​Why would you stay stuck in anxiety patterns? ​What is to be gained by being anxious? What is to be gained by giving up anxiety? ​What would you do for God if you had no anxiety? ​Name one thing that is overwhelming. Why is it so important? Suggested Reading and Resources You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz Anxiety Attacked: Apply Scriptures to the Cares of the Soul by John Macarthur Jr. Embracing the Fear: Learning to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks by Judith Bemis Fearless Relationships: Simple Rules for Lifelong Contentment by Karen Casey The Breath of Life: A Simple Way to Pray by Ron DelBene Paths to Prayer: Finding Your Own Way to the Presence of God by Patricia D. Brown Coronavirus Anxiety Workbook by The Wellness Society Live Well classes through COR.org Centers for Anxiety Treatment Association for Adult Development and Aging (https://www.aadadivision.org/) Local church for pastoral counseling Local community counseling specialist Cancer/Chronic Illness I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. God won’t let your foot slip. Your protector won’t fall asleep on the job. No! Israel’s protector never sleeps or rests! The Lord is your protector; the Lord is your shade right beside you. The sun won’t strike you during the day; neither will the moon at night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; God will protect your very life. The Lord will protect you on your journeys— whether going or coming— from now until forever from now. —Psalm 121 My whole being clings to you; your strong hand upholds me. —Psalm 63:8 Although he has caused grief, he will show compassion in measure with his covenant loyalty. —Lamentations 3:32 We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. —2 Corinthians 4:8 I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength. —Philippians 4:13 Lord, you said that when we walk through the water, you will be with us; we are precious in your sight and you love us. In this time of health trial and adversity, I need to be aware of your presence more than ever. Lord, some days I feel hard-pressed on every side, but with you near I do not feel crushed. I am struck down at times, but not destroyed. When this disease makes me feel as if I don’t have any control, Lord, give me strength and courage, hold me in the palm of your hand, and give me peace. Amen. Talking Points ​Love the physical part of you that carries the cancer or other chronic illness. Take care of yourself! ​Focus on treatment opportunities. ​Find joy within adversity when possible. ​Ask supporters to be with you where you are—whether in pain or in joy as cheerleaders. Suggested Reading and Resources Jesus Calling by Sarah Young Jesus Lives by Sarah Young The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead What about Divine Healing? by Susan Sonnenday Vogel Cancer support groups Ongoing pastoral care and counseling opportunities from the church The American Cancer Society Caring Conversations (www.practicalbioethics.org) Depression How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I be left to my own wits, agony filling my heart? Daily? How long will my enemy keep defeating me? Look at me! Answer me, Lord my God! Restore sight to my eyes! Otherwise, I’ll sleep the sleep of death. —Psalm 13:1-3 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:18 But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you…. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you…. Don’t remember the prior things; don’t ponder ancient history. Look! I’m doing a new thing; now it sprouts up; don’t you recognize it? I’m making a way in the desert, paths in the wilderness. —Isaiah 43:1-2, 5, 18-19 I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength. Still, you have done well to share my distress. —Philippians 4:13-14 Healing God, I celebrate your power to bring light to the darkness and healing and comfort to the brokenhearted. Your ways are mysterious, wonderful, and too vast for me to comprehend. As the Great Physician, be with me through moments of despair and hopelessness. Grant me hope and assurance that my life will be surrounded by your love and comfort. You are the God of hope. Give me the tools that will help me through this difficult journey. In Christ’s name. Amen. Key Symptoms of Depression ​Depressed mood ​Loss of interest or pleasure in all (or nearly all) activities ​A large increase or decrease in appetite/weight ​Insomnia or hypersomnia ​Slowing of physical movements or severe agitation ​Intense fatigue ​Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness ​Difficulty concentrating or making decisions ​Frequent thoughts of death or suicidality (Stephen Ilardi, The Depression Cure, 2009) Talking Points ​Listen to the message of depression. What is it trying to tell you? ​Break the cycle of negative rumination that is part of depression. ​What is good about you? ​Who is in your support system? ​Use helpful tools to combat depression: ​Exercise ​Omega-3 fatty acids ​Sunshine ​Social activity ​Sufficient rest ​A healthy diet Suggested Reading and Resources “When the World Seems Overwhelming: Dealing with Depression” (sermon) by Karen Lampe, May 22, 2005, UMC Church of the Resurrection, Sermon Archives The Depression Cure by Dr. Steven Ilardi Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth Finding Hope Again by Neal Anderson and Hal Baumchen Professional counselor Mental health questions at www.Godtest.com Live Well Curriculum from COR.org The Burns Depression Checklist (www.suicideforum.com/bdc/index.html) Mental Illness The Lord is my light and my salvation. Should I fear anyone? The Lord is a fortress protecting my life. Should I be frightened of anything? When evildoers come at me trying to eat me up— it’s they, my foes and my enemies, who stumble and fall! If an army camps against me, my heart won’t be afraid. If war comes up against me, I will continue to trust in this: I have asked one thing from the Lord— it’s all I seek: to live in the Lord’s house all the days of my life, seeing the Lord’s beauty and constantly adoring his temple. Because he will shelter me in his own dwelling during troubling times; he will hide me in a secret place in his own tent; he will set me up high, safe on a rock. Now my head is higher than the enemies surrounding me, and I will offer sacrifices in God’s tent— sacrifices with shouts of joy! I will sing and praise the Lord. Lord, listen to my voice when I cry out— have mercy on me and answer me! Come, my heart says, seek God’s face. Lord, I do seek your face! Please don’t hide it from me! Don’t push your servant aside angrily— you have been my help! God who saves me, don’t neglect me! Don’t leave me all alone! Even if my father and mother left me all alone, the Lord would take me in. Lord, teach me your way; because of my opponents, lead me on a good path. Don’t give me over to the desires of my enemies, because false witnesses and violent accusers have taken their stand against me. But I have sure faith that I will experience the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Hope in the Lord! Be strong! Let your heart take courage! Hope in the Lord! —Psalm 27 Save me, God, because the waters have reached my neck! I have sunk into deep mud. My feet can’t touch the bottom! I have entered deep water; the flood has swept me up. I am tired of crying. My throat is hoarse. My eyes are exhausted with waiting for my God…. God, in your great and faithful love, answer me with your certain salvation! Save me from the mud! Don’t let me drown! Let me be saved from those who hate me and from these watery depths! Don’t let me be swept away by the floodwaters! Don’t let the abyss swallow me up! Don’t let the pit close its mouth over me! Answer me, Lord, for your faithful love is good! Turn to me in your great compassion! Don’t hide your face from me, your servant, because I’m in deep trouble. Answer me quickly! Come close to me! Redeem me! Save me because of my enemies! You know full well the insults I’ve received; you know my shame and my disgrace. All my adversaries are right there in front of you. Insults have broken my heart. I’m sick about it. I hoped for sympathy, but there wasn’t any; I hoped for comforters, but couldn’t find any. They gave me poison for food. To quench my thirst To quench my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink. Let the table before them become a trap, their offerings a snare. Let their eyes grow too dim to see; make their insides tremble constantly.… You who seek God— let your hearts beat strong again because the Lord listens to the needy and doesn’t despise his captives. Let heaven and earth praise God, the oceans too, and all that moves within them! —selections from Psalm 69 I give thanks to you with all my heart, Lord. I sing your praise before all other gods. I bow toward your holy temple and thank your name for your loyal love and faithfulness because you have made your name and word greater than everything else. On the day I cried out, you answered me. You encouraged me with inner strength. Let all the earth’s rulers give thanks to you, Lord, when they hear what you say. Let them sing about the Lord’s ways because the Lord’s glory is so great! because the Lord’s glory is so great! Even though the Lord is high, he can still see the lowly, but God keeps his distance from the arrogant. Whenever I am in deep trouble, you make me live again; you send your power against my enemies’ wrath; you save me with your strong hand. The Lord will do all this for my sake. Your faithful love lasts forever, Lord! Don’t let go of what your hands have made. —Psalm 138 I call all this to mind—therefore, I will wait. Certainly the faithful love of the Lord hasn’t ended; certainly God’s compassion isn’t through! They are renewed every morning. Great is your faithfulness. I think: The Lord is my portion! Therefore, I’ll wait for him. —Lamentations 3:21-24 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid.” —John 14:27 God of our whole selves, we praise you that you are with (Name) even now, in the midst of turmoil, anxiety, and despair. We know you care about their spirit, body, and mind, and we pray now for a sense of peace and stillness. Bless (Name) with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—the fruit of your Spirit in them—as they face another day. It’s in your son’s precious name we pray. Amen. Key Ideas and Talking Points about Mental Health ​In almost all cases, mental health is a function of a chemical imbalance, plus a genetic predisposition, combined with environmental factors. ​MRI studies increasingly demonstrate that mental illness is best accounted for as differences in neurological functioning. ​One in five American adults experiences a mental illness in a given year. ​Major mental illness reduces life expectancy by up to thirty years. ​About 60 percent of people with mental illness do not receive treatment, usually because of stigma. ​What are the statistics for depression, anxiety, and suicide in your local area? Rape/Sexual Assault But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior. I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place. Because you are precious in my eyes, you are honored, and I love you. I give people in your place, and nations in exchange for your life. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you. —Isaiah 43:1-5 Listen to my prayer, Lord! Because of your faithfulness, hear my requests for mercy! Because of your righteousness, answer me! Please don’t bring your servant to judgment, because no living thing is righteous before you. The enemy is chasing me, crushing my life in the dirt, forcing me to live in the dark like those who’ve been dead forever. My spirit is weak inside me— inside, my mind is numb. I remember the days long past; I meditate on all your deeds; I contemplate your handiwork. I stretch out my hands to you; my whole being is like dry dirt, thirsting for you. Selah Answer me, Lord—and quickly! My breath is fading. Don’t hide your face from me or I’ll be like those going down to the pit! Tell me all about your faithful love come morning time, because I trust you. Show me the way I should go, because I offer my life up to you. Deliver me from my enemies, Lord! I seek protection from you. Teach me to do what pleases you, because you are my God. Guide me by your good spirit into good land. Make me live again, Lord, for your name’s sake. Bring me out of distress because of your righteousness. —Psalm 143:1-11 God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. —Psalm 147:3 Lord, give me the grace to be honest—honest about my pain, honest about my feelings, honest about my anger, and honest about my questions. How could this have happened to me, God? Please lead me to trusted friends, mentors, and professionals who can help me process what has happened. Gracious God, help me be ever aware of your presence and remind me that I am a beloved child of God. In due time, Lord, help me rise up out of the ashes of this that I might help others regain their confidence and assurance that they are worthy. All this in Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points/Information ​It is not your fault. ​You are made in the image of God. ​You are not alone. Suggested Reading Little Girl Lost: One Woman’s Journey beyond Rape by Leisha Joseph Survivor Care: What Religious Professionals Need to Know about Healing Trauma by Christy Gunter Sim Suicide The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:18 “But the Lord is the one who is marching before you! He is the one who will be with you! He won’t let you down. He won’t abandon you. So don’t be afraid or scared!” —Deuteronomy 31:8 I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful—I know that very well. —Psalm 139:14 Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? —Romans 8:35 Have mercy on me, Lord, because I’m depressed. My vision fails because of my grief, as do my spirit and my body. My life is consumed with sadness; my years are consumed with groaning. Strength fails me because of my suffering; my bones dry up.… I am forgotten, like I’m dead, completely out of mind; I am like a piece of pottery, destroyed.… But me? I trust you, Lord! I affirm, “You are my God.” My future is in your hands. Don’t hand me over to my enemies, to all who are out to get me! Shine your face on your servant; save me by your faithful love! Lord, don’t let me be put to shame because I have cried out to you.… Bless the Lord, because he has wondrously revealed his faithful love to me when I was like a city under siege! When I was panicked, I said, “I’m cut off from your eyes!” But you heard my request for mercy when I cried out to you for help. —Excerpts from Psalm 31 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest. —John 10:10 Living God, open my heart that I may connect to your Spirit. Lord, I acknowledge that I am feeling fearful, overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed. Help me to remember that I am your precious child and that you want me to live a full life. God of healing grace, help me to breathe deeply as I breathe in your peace and exhale any pain or anxiety that I may be experiencing. God, help me to visualize your light and love reaching out to me that I may find new peace, comfort, and assurance that you are with me. Help me to choose life, that I may fight for my life and find the right fellowship of others who will help me during this challenging time. All this I pray in Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points and Information ​Contemplating suicide can be the result of untreated depression, anxiety, or untreated pain and suffering. Some of the main drivers of suicide include PTSD, thwarted love, fractured control, assaulted self-image, and the rupture of a key relationship (Harold Ivan Smith, A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath, 2006). ​If you are suicidal, seek help immediately. ​Create a plan with a trusted pastor or counselor including whom to call if you are suffering. ​Remember you are a precious child of God. Suggested Reading and Resources Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE Call 911 www.suicidepreventionlifeline.com www.musicforthesoul.org Live Well curriculum: http://www.cor.org/ministries/care-and-support/live-well/ Depression interview with Dr. Stephen Ilardi: http://www.cor.org/ministries/care-and-support/live-well/depression-interview/ Talking Points and Information for Survivors of Suicide ​God is the great parent and did not cause this death. ​It is no one’s fault. ​Chemical imbalance can cause irrational thinking. ​“Why would he/she do this to us?” is a normal question. ​“Took his life” or “completed suicide” is theologically a better choice of wording than “committed suicide,” which links it to a sinful act. ​The United Methodist Church believes that nothing, including suicide, can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:35-38). ​Talk out loud with a trusted pastor, counselor, or caregiver about the emotions you are experiencing. ​Remember above all else that we are Easter people and that the unconditional love of God will see us through this event. ​Suicide care requires a team effort of pastors, counselors, and a helpful grief group. Suggested Readings and Resources Why? by Adam Hamilton A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath by Harold Ivan Smith Take the Dimness of My Soul Away: Healing after a Loved One’s Suicide by William Ritter When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner The Will of God by Leslie D. Weatherhead Local grief ministry or contact the grief ministry at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection Local grief counselors and groups Continued connection to pastor or theologically trained caregiver COMMUNAL TRAUMA Care ministers and caregivers often provide care to individuals for their personal trauma and hardship. Sometimes, though, the trauma is communal, and we need to respond with care to our entire community. Most people who are old enough to remember September 11, 2001, remember exactly where they were when they heard the news that the United States had been attacked. That is communal trauma. The pandemic is communal trauma. Mass shootings, insurrections, police brutality, war, natural disasters, financial crisis, hate crimes, and famine are all communal traumas. We follow a God who heard the cries of an entire people enslaved in Egypt and called on Moses to do something about it. Immediate Responses Go to the scene if you can safely be present. Work as a team. Listen. Attend to physical needs. Offer scripture and prayer when appropriate. Make a plan for next steps. Collaborate with other local care institutions and agencies as appropriate. Ongoing Responses Abide by local, state, and national guidelines. Call on denominational leaders for resources, financial assistance, and first responders. Communicate, communicate, communicate with your congregation and local leaders. Check in and follow up with those most affected. Create trauma follow-up programs that include mental health professionals. Restore and continue weekly worship with helpful theology. Create care classes such as prayer and grief groups. Attend to financial assistance with community leaders. Creatively utilize volunteers’ skills for new needs, such as face masks, sandbags (for flooding), food banks, and construction crews. Global Events The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:2 We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. We are harassed, but we aren’t abandoned. We are knocked down, but we aren’t knocked out. —2 Corinthians 4:8-9 God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves. —Psalm 46:1-3 Gracious, loving God, we pray for those, including ourselves, who live surrounded by darkness, chaos, grief, or violence, during this global crisis. Reveal your holy presence to all your people, any and everywhere, so that all may encounter your comfort, strength, healing, hope, and unconditional love. Bring peace to all who are grieving the loss of loved ones, livelihood, and shelter. Let your love be known through those who are working to bring order in this chaos. Help us, as the body of Christ, to shoulder the burden of suffering. In our collective grief and agony for this broken world, make us one community bound together by your unconditional love and boundless grace, responding in generous and practical ways to the needs of others, guided by your Holy Spirit. Make us bearers of that hope that is found in you. Help us to stand strong in these terrifying moments of loss and uncertainty and place our trust in you, the God our refuge and strength. We are never alone. We can find our hope and strength to carry on in your steadfast love that endures forever. Thanks be to God! Amen. Local Events God didn’t give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. —2 Timothy 1:7 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. Our heart rejoices in God because we trust his holy name. Lord, let your faithful love surround us because we wait for you. —Psalm 33:20-22 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 Gracious and loving God, we acknowledge you as our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble, while also acknowledging our gripping fear and anxious thoughts that arise in the wake of (named local crisis). Our community is grieving, weary, lonely, and broken. We need a word of hope and assurance from you today, God, words to sustain us and to comfort us. So we are here, together, acknowledging our own fears as we face uncertain times. We confess our own sense of hopelessness and feelings of despair. By the power of your Holy Spirit, help us recall your faithfulness toward your people in times of violence, war, or natural disasters, bringing your light, healing, hope, and restoration to the darkness. In our situation, help us to trust in You. Guide our city officials and first responders, and all who assume the responsibility to lead, direct, and care for us, especially during this crisis. Give us all courage to join you in the struggle to bring mercy and justice to our hurting community. Guide us by your Spirit and empower us to work together for our neighbors, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Show us Christ’s way of compassion, healing, and hope. In all the holy names of God, we pray. Amen. Natural Disaster God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves. —Psalm 46:1-3 But now, says the Lord—the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior…. Because you are precious in my eyes, you are honored, and I love you. —Isaiah 43:1-3a, 4 My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:19 Gracious, loving God, thank you for being (Name’s) refuge and strength, especially in this time of great trouble. May (Name), and all impacted by this disaster, struggling to make sense of the tragic loss of life, livelihood, and shelter, trust in your steadfast love and faithfulness. When fear of the unknown, weariness, and anxiety threaten to overtake (Name), reassure (him/her/them) that you are present in the circumstances. Help (Name) trust in You to meet each need. Strengthen (Name) for what lies ahead and grant (him/her/them) your peace and rest when the way of recovery from this tragic event is hard and weary. Help us as your church to respond in tangible ways to (Name’s) needs that reflect your love and grace at work in this situation. May (Name) know that you are present every step of the way toward restoration and wholeness. Remind (Name) how precious and honored (he/she/they) is/are in your sight, and how deeply loved (Name) is. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Lament of Injustice Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable. Speak out in order to judge with righteousness and to defend the needy and the poor. —Proverbs 31:8-9 He has told you, human one, what is good and what the Lord requires from you: to do justice, embrace faithful love, and walk humbly with your God. —Micah 6:8 But if someone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but refuses to help—how can the love of God dwell in a person like that? Little children, let’s not love with words or speech but with action and truth. —1 John 3:17-18 But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. —Amos 5:24 You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped depravity, you have eaten the fruit of lies, because you have trusted in your way and in your many warriors. —Hosea 10:13 But the Lord says, “Because the poor are oppressed, because of the groans of the needy, I’m now standing up. I will provide the help they are gasping for.” —Psalm 12:5 Now crushing underfoot all the earth’s prisoners, denying someone justice before the Most High, subverting a person’s lawsuit— doesn’t my Lord see all this? —Lamentations 3:34-36 They cried out with a loud voice, “Holy and true Master, how long will you wait before you pass judgment? How long before you require justice for our blood, which was shed by those who live on earth?” —Revelation 6:10 Then Jesus went into the temple and threw out all those who were selling and buying there. He pushed over the tables used for currency exchange and the chairs of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It’s written, My house will be called a house of prayer. But you’ve made it a hideout for crooks.” —Matthew 21:12-13 O Holy One, do you see our suffering? Do you hear our lament? We are tired. We are traumatized. We have been wronged. How long, O Lord, must we encounter these injustices? We long for what mother Mary sang about centuries ago. Scatter the proud; lift up the lowly and bring down the powerful; feed the hungry and send the rich away empty-handed; come to our aid, God. Hear our cries. Your way is the way of justice. May it be so. Amen. Elections First of all, then, I ask that requests, prayers, petitions, and thanksgiving be made for all people. Pray for kings and everyone who is in authority so that we can live a quiet and peaceful life in complete godliness and dignity. This is right and it pleases God our savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. —1 Timothy 2:1-4 If my people who belong to me will humbly pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land. —2 Chronicles 7:14 He has told you, human one, what is good and what the Lord requires from you: to do justice, embrace faithful love, and walk humbly with your God. —Micah 6:8 God, may we be more concerned with your kingdom than the empires and realms of power in this world. Help us to fix our eyes on what is good, noble, and true. May you use us as vessels to enact change in our community, country, and world and inspire others to do the same. We pray for our leaders that their hearts may be bent toward your will, toward justice for all people. We pray the Lord’s prayer now: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Division Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other with love, and make an effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit with the peace that ties you together. —Ephesians 4:2-3 Now I encourage you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Agree with each other and don’t be divided into rival groups. Instead, be restored with the same mind and the same purpose. —1 Corinthians 1:10 I’m in them and you are in me so that they will be made perfectly one. Then the world will know that you sent me and that you have loved them just as you loved me. —John 17:23 God of Unity, Times are overwhelming and tensions are high; we lift up to you (Name/Names) and the division they are experiencing. This weighs heavy on their hearts, and you know their pain and struggle. You mourn for the division and contempt. This is not the unity of Spirit you showed us through Christ. Empower (Name/Names) to respond with humility, gentleness, and patience. May your love guide conversations and be present to mend spaces with peace. May unity with grace be the goal, as you lead (Name/Names) on this journey of reconciliation. We pray this through Christ our Lord. Amen. COVID-19 General Response The mountains may shift, and the hills may be shaken, but my faithful love won’t shift from you, and my covenant of peace won’t be shaken, says the Lord, the one who pities you. —Isaiah 54:10 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38-39 God of love and grace, you meet us at the point of our deepest need. In these unprecedented times during this pandemic, we pray for (Name/Names/All) who is/are carrying heavy and challenging burdens, fears, and anxieties brought on by this pandemic. Our hearts are saddened by the abundance of loss. The rising number of lives this pandemic is robbing from us causes overwhelming sadness, alarm, and anxiety. (Name/Names/All) needs/need your Spirit of Truth to fill (him/her/them/us) with your love that casts out all fear and has no end. Abiding in your grace, help (Name/Names/us) to know your peace that passes all understanding and to find rest and restoration in you. Guide, direct, and protect all who have the responsibility for the well-being of each human life and the well-being of the communities and nations in which we live. Help us to trust that nothing, not even this pandemic, can separate us from your love. Amen. Fear/Anxiety For God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of a good mind. —2 Timothy 1:7 NLV “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid.” —John 14:27 Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 God, our Sustainer, in the midst of all the unknowns, we come to you, lifting up (Name/Names) and their fear and anxiety of COVID-19. It feels unsettling and scary, and these times are uncertain. Remind us of your never-ending presence and peace. Surround (Name/Names) with security that is found only in you. Help (Name/Names) to breathe in your peace, and exhale the dismay and uncertainty. As a child of God, remind (Name/Names) of your love, and strengthen them for whatever challenges lie ahead, not with troubled hearts, but with a clear mind full of your power. Long-Haul Difficulties Oh, I must find rest in God only, because my hope comes from him! —Psalm 62:5 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 Keep on praying and guard your prayers with thanksgiving. —Colossians 4:2 O God of Compassion, we give you thanks for your constant companionship with (Name) during each passing day and restless night, often met with anxiety, frustration, or fear of the unknown. How long (Name) waits for relief, for refreshment, and for renewed sense of meaning and purpose! May your promise of hope renew and energize (Name’s) weary soul, and your grace sustain (him/her/them) on this long journey. When (Name) feels discouraged, place a new song in (his/her/their) heart. When change in this situation seems too far out of sight, and patience dwindles, awaken (Name), again and again, to your companionship with every step, as (he/she/they) recalls and gives thanks for your faithful love and goodness. Grant (Name) your strength and courage to face each day unafraid. And may (Name) know your peace as (he/she/they) rests in your promise of steadfast love. May we, as the body of Christ and companions with (Name) along this journey, be wise and understanding of ways we can bring healing and hope to (Name) as tangible reflections of your renewing love. With thanksgiving, and in Christ, we pray. Amen. Suggested Reading and Resources For the latest information regarding COVID-19: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html Coronavirus Anxiety Workbook by The Wellness Society Once Upon a Time Not So Long Ago by Jennifer Grant To access federal aid during the COVID-19 pandemic: https://www.benefits.gov/help/faq/Coronavirus-resources Resources to support youth and families during the COVID-19 pandemic: https://youth.gov/feature-article/covid-coronavirus-resources GRIEF AND LOSS Grief and loss can be complicated. There’s no right way to heal from grief, and though people learn to live with grief over time, there’s no prescribed timeline that lessens the hurt or eases the process. Be gentle with someone grieving. One can grieve the loss of a loved one to death, but grief also manifests in a variety of other circumstances: divorce, breakups, loss of friendship, moving to a new place, changing jobs, becoming a parent, failed expectations. It is not up to the care minister or caregiver to define what is worthy of grief. Only the person grieving can do that. Listen to them with the assurance that God laments with those who grieve. Death After a Terminal Diagnosis But we have this treasure in clay pots so that the awesome power belongs to God and doesn’t come from us. We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. We are harassed, but we aren’t abandoned. We are knocked down, but we aren’t knocked out. We always carry Jesus’ death around in our bodies so that Jesus’ life can also be seen in our bodies. We who are alive are always being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake so that Jesus’ life can also be seen in our bodies that are dying. So death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. —2 Corinthians 4:7-12 Loving, healing God, we come to you with gratitude, knowing that you are walking with (Name) and their family. Lord, as (Name) has just received this diagnosis, we know you want the very best for (Name), so we ask that you bring the very best of medical care to them so that they might receive a modern miracle. Help (Name) to release the fear and anxiety that they may be feeling. With each breath, allow them to breathe in your peace, light, and love. Help (Name) and their family experience your holy hand providing them with new strength and peace. Help us as a church family to care for them as they walk this journey. All this we pray in the healing name of Jesus. Amen. As Condition Progresses I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38 Gracious Loving God, we come to you today thankful for your continued presence and help as (Name) continues to struggle with pain and weakness. We know that this can be a fearful time for (Name) and their family. We ask that you bless (Name) especially with new strength and assurance of your presence that (Name’s) days will have a greater connection to you as well as their family. Bring to (Name) and their family a peace that passes understanding as they share these sacred moments. All this we pray in the name of our great comforter Jesus. Amen. Dying Well God, your plans are incomprehensible to me! Their total number is countless! If I tried to count them—they outnumber grains of sand! If I came to the very end—I’d still be with you. —Psalm 139:17-2 God of Eternal Life and Love, In this time of change and challenge, fear and uncertainty, we ask that you will be with (Name), surrounding (him/her/them) with your peace and comfort, trusting that you abide with (him/her/them) still. (Name) is not alone, for You are with (him/her/them). May your presence be known and felt by (Name) and the family. Assure (Name) that you prepare a place for (him/her/them) where your steadfast love never ends. Walk with (Name), through this dark valley and into your glorious light. Assure (Name) and (family members’ names, if known) of your faithful love and compassion that comforts and strengthens them for this and every journey. May (Name) be free of pain and anxiety, renewed every morning by your great faithfulness. May (Name’s) witness of reliance upon you through this journey be a beacon of light and hope for all who walk in darkness. Be (Name’s) portion as (he/she/they) waits patiently for you to call (him/her/them) by name and welcome (him/her/them) home. Amen. When Death Is Imminent Please note that the most well-known version of Psalm 23 is the King James Version. While it may feel antiquated, it may be the case that this version provides the most comfort during this time. The Common English Bible version is also included below the KJV. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. —Psalm 23 KJV The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing. He lets me rest in grassy meadows; he leads me to restful waters; he keeps me alive. He guides me in proper paths for the sake of his good name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no danger because you are with me. Your rod and your staff— they protect me. You set a table for me right in front of my enemies. You bathe my head in oil; my cup is so full it spills over! Yes, goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the Lord’s house as long as I live. —Psalm 23 Merciful Lord of light and love, we are so grateful for your presence in this holy space with (Name). In the quiet of this room, bring to them a sense of divine peace that passes understanding. Bring to them assurance for their family and friends that you will be guiding them. Release them from their pain in your perfect timing that they may dance in your presence in their new spiritual body. All this we pray in the name of him who still teaches us to pray: Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Talking Points When the Hour Is Near When the family notifies the church that death may happen that day, go to the bedside. When you arrive at the home, hospital, or hospice, note the following: ​When death is imminent, make sure that you communicate to the family a sense of calm and assurance about the outcome. ​Have the family and friends circle around the bedside. ​Begin with the idea that this is a very sacred hour. The loved one has run the race and the most important people are gathered around. ​Speak as if that person is hearing every word you say, even if the person seems comatose. ​As the person nears death, you, the family, and friends gather around the bed to create a bridge to heaven. This is the essence of ministry as death draws near. ​Picture the time when the hour is near for the person who is dying. ​The person nearing death may rally for one last word. Just assume she or he doesn’t want to miss a word of what you are saying. ​Usher in peace and calm with your presence. With our ministry of presence as well as scriptural, spiritual guidance we can help them have an amazing Easter experience. After Death Has Occurred If you arrive at the home, hospital, or hospice after the person has died: ​pray, ​be a calming presence, ​respond first with “I’m so sorry,” ​take time to assess the needs of the various people present in the room, and ​invite hospital, hospice, or care staff to join the service. They certainly will have their moments of grief. They will feel the loss as surely as the family does, and this is a powerful ministry to them. If the Body Is Present ​Reading scripture is appropriate. ​Ask if you may anoint the body. The anointing of the body is not to be feared. It is biblical and extends a gracious holiness that both dispels fears and creates a holy service. ​Pray with thanksgiving for the ways that this person served with their hands (anoint hands) or their feet (anoint feet). Before Leaving ​Wait until after the mortuary comes for the body to talk about next steps. ​Make a plan with the responsible family or friends. ​Provide your contact information to the family (business card, email, and phone numbers). ​Collect their contact information. ​Agree on a time when you or the pastor might be able to meet with the family to plan a service, if needed. ​Always exit with a prayer and word of comfort. General Lament God, listen to my cry; pay attention to my prayer! When my heart is weak, I cry out to you from the very ends of the earth. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I am because you have been my refuge, a tower of strength in the face of the enemy. —Psalm 61:1-3 Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 In the same way, the Spirit comes to help our weakness. We don’t know what we should pray, but the Spirit himself pleads our case with unexpressed groans. —Romans 8:26 God of grace and love, we are grateful that you hear us and already are acting on our behalf long before we seek you. You are familiar with the loss and grief (Name) is experiencing and the anxious and fearful thoughts that accompany such pain and sadness. Make your presence known to (Name) during this most painfully difficult time, especially when (he/she/they) feels alone, adrift, or overwhelmed. Remind (Name) that nothing can separate (him/her/them) from your great love. May your Spirit be for (Name) the constant companion (he/she/they) needs to navigate through this time of grief. Remove all doubt and fear as (Name) abides in your presence, receiving your grace. Bring comfort, healing, and hope as you assure (Name) of your steadfast love and faithfulness. Restore in (Name) your light, joy, and peace as you hold (Name) in the palm of your strong hand. Thank you for hearing our prayers, those spoken and unspoken. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Loss of a Loved One Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud voice from the throne say, “Look! God’s dwelling is here with humankind. He will dwell with them, and they will be his peoples. God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. There will be no mourning, crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Then the one seated on the throne said, “Look! I’m making all things new.” He also said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” —Revelation 21:1-5 “Don’t be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me. My Father’s house has room to spare. If that weren’t the case, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you? When I go to prepare a place for you, I will return and take you to be with me so that where I am you will be too. You know the way to the place I’m going.” Thomas asked, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. “I won’t leave you as orphans. I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Because I live, you will live too.” —John 14:1-6a, 18-19 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no danger because you are with me. Your rod and your staff—they protect me. —Psalm 23:4 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid. You have heard me tell you, ‘I’m going away and returning to you.’ If you loved me, you would be happy that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than me.” —John 14:27-28 I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38-39 God, we need your grace and strength to help us move forward. We need faith to place our trust in you. Help us to release our loved one to your eternal care. Help us to be honest about our feelings; and keep us from negative emotions that interfere with our ability to grieve well. Be light, comfort, and peace in our darkest moments. By your Spirit, may we embrace the promise you grant us in your love that never ends. May memories and stories of our loved ones uplift our spirits, carrying us forward into eternal hope. Amen. Divorce Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 You, who have shown me many troubles and calamities, will revive me once more. From the depths of the earth, you will raise me up one more time. Please increase my honor and comfort me all around. —Psalm 71:20-21 “I’ve commanded you to be brave and strong, haven’t I? Don’t be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” —Joshua 1:9 So now there isn’t any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. —Romans 8:1 Then the one seated on the throne said, “Look! I’m making all things new.” He also said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” —Revelation 21:5 God of infinite love and understanding, pour out your healing spirit upon (Name) as (he/she/they) strives to let go of past hurts and broken dreams in hopes of making a new beginning. Where there is hurt or bitterness, grant (Name) healing of memories and the ability to put behind (him/her/them) the painful things of the past. Where feelings of despair or worthlessness flood in, please nurture in (Name) a spirit of hope. Give (Name) the confidence that, by your power, tomorrow can be better than yesterday. Heal (Name’s) children, other family members, and friends, and help us, as your caring church, to minister well to them. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Talking Points ​Your worth is not tied to your marital status. At your creation, God called you “very good.” ​Divorce is a painful loss and will involve grieving. ​Dating immediately after a divorce can stifle the healing you need, because you might try to find your healing in another person. ​You will need to eventually forgive, for your own sake. Forgiveness blesses you as you release the control your ex-spouse had over your feelings. ​Forgiving too soon can be hazardous to your healing. When you do forgive, you may decide to do it with your own ritual (for example, writing the word forgiveness on paper and burning it). ​Saying “I forgive you” to an ex-spouse often incites more anger and pain. ​If you are a parent, do not treat your kids, regardless of their ages, as your caregivers or best buddies. ​Make space for your kids (of all ages) to share their pain and grief even if their pain causes you guilt or hurt. They need you. ​Teenage daughters need particular attention during divorce: research shows that they are more likely to behave in overly sexualized ways, adopt an eating disorder, or cut themselves. Suggested Reading and Resources Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 2017) Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 2016) Radical Recovery: Transferring the Despair of Your Divorce into an Unexpected Good by Suzy Brown Divorce recovery groups for men, women, and children Marriage and family therapists Other categories of care are included in the Care Cards available through The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection bookstore, The Well. Breakup God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. —Psalm 147:3 I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with your heart, you will find me. I will be present for you, declares the Lord. —Jeremiah 29:11-14a Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with each other and, if someone has a complaint against anyone, forgive each other. As the Lord forgave you, so also forgive each other. And over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. —Colossians 3:12-14 Healer of broken dreams, we thank you for your open invitation to come before you when life gets messy and broken relationships that once offered assurance, happiness, security, and hope cut like fragmented shards of glass in our hearts. Bind (Name’s) wounds of rejection, disappointment, betrayal, shame, or doubt, and remind (Name) of your steadfast love that never ends for (him/her/them). Hold (Name) together as (he/she/they) searches for you in the space of hurt where grace can grow and healing begin. Let (Name) not grow bitter or absent of loving or being loved again. Help (Name) to extend and receive the freedom in forgiveness and the power in “letting go” and letting God grant a future filled with hope. And make us, the body of Christ, bearers of such hope for (Name), and others experiencing brokenness, bound together by your grace and in your love that has no end. In Christ. Amen. Loss of How Things Used to Be Trust in the Lord with all your heart; don’t rely on your own intelligence. Know him in all your paths, and he will keep your ways straight. —Proverbs 3:5-6 Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. —Philippians 3:7 NRSV The Lord proclaims: A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and wailing. It’s Rachel crying for her children; she refuses to be consoled, because her children are no more. —Jeremiah 31:15 God of comfort, for the longing of the way things used to be, for the sorrow and sadness, we lift up (Name/Names) in your care. We are grateful that we do not walk this road alone, but in all things, your presence guides (Name/Names) in their grief. We lift this loss unto you, and you are here to listen and offer comfort. Mend their broken hearts, bind up the wounds, and pour out your mercy and grace. By your Spirit, grant (Name/Names) peace in this parting, and help them to trust you with all their heart. We pray this through Christ our Lord. Amen. When Things Aren’t What You Thought They’d Be Make your ways known to me, Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth—teach it to me—because you are the God who saves me. I put my hope in you all day long. —Psalm 25:4-5 My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:19 KJV Happy are those who trust in the Lord, who rely on the Lord. They will be like trees planted by the streams, whose roots reach down to the water. They won’t fear drought when it comes; their leaves will remain green. They won’t be stressed in the time of drought or fail to bear fruit. —Jeremiah 17:7-8 God of insight and wisdom, we give you thanks for your redeeming love and boundless grace that meets (Name) in (his/her/their) chaos and confusion, offering a new perspective, and thus, a new way of life. Before (Name) was awakened to the truth as things are, you were aware of (Name’s) need for new insight, guidance, and wisdom. Help (Name) trust in your provisions and your ability to navigate (him/her/them) through unexpected or uncharted territories. Grant your peace for the things about this situation that (Name) cannot control, the courage to bring about the change that needs to occur for wholeness and well-being, and understanding to know the difference. My we, as the body of Christ serve as beacons of light and hope for (Name) with love and grace. Thank you for being the God of second chances and new beginnings. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Letting Go Don’t remember the prior things; don’t ponder ancient history. Look! I’m doing a new thing; now it sprouts up; don’t you recognize it? I’m making a way in the desert, paths in the wilderness. —Isaiah 43:18-19 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, … a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. —Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 4, 5b Commit your way to the Lord! Trust him! He will act. —Psalm 37:5 God, please help (Name) to release into your loving care that which (he/she/they) has held so tightly, in sure and certain hope that in doing so, (he/she/they) may know your peace and experience relief from anxious tensions and fear of uncertainties rooted deeply in holding on to what needs to be released to you. Help (Name) to trust that this decision to “let go” will bring healing and wholeness in due time and a renewed sense of direction and purpose. Remind (Name) of your abiding presence and steadfast love that accompanies (Name) with each step along a new path of promise and hope. May (Name) not worry about tomorrow, but rather place (his/her/their) cares and concerns in your grip, knowing that your grace is sufficient to meet (Name’s) every need. You will always act on (his/her/their) behalf with faithfulness and steadfast love. During this time of transition, make us, as the body of Christ, a beacon of light and hope for (Name), that (he/she/they) might be complete in you. Thank you for faithfulness toward (Name) and abiding presence. Amen. Talking Points and Facts about Grief and Loss ​Grief includes a sadness that is unique to, and a natural response to, loss. You can plan ways to grieve. ​You can talk aloud with a trusted confidant (or write in a journal) about the feelings you’re experiencing. In naming and being honest about all your feelings (which may be conflicting and seem irrational), you will recognize there is nothing wrong with your feelings. ​How you choose to respond to your feelings is important (and this is critical work). ​When you ask the “why” question (and you will), you will recognize that, while there may be answers, those answers won’t alleviate the nagging question, “Yes, but why my loved one?” ​You must recognize that this is normal. ​When you become occupied with questions such as “Why me?” or “Why my loved one?” you might try asking aloud the opposite questions, which are “Why not me? Why should I be exempt from these experiences that happen every day in this fallen world?” ​When you ask God and yourself this question, you might be surprised (and helped) by the honest answers. Above all, remember that through the unconditional love of Jesus Christ, you are an Easter person; you are a person of the Resurrection. ​You will certainly grieve that you no longer have your loved one close to you, and you may have grief for what you perceive your loved one suffered prior to death; but, upon going through death, your loved one is in the shepherding arms and eternal care of God (Romans 8:35, 37-39). Suggested Reading and Resources Why? by Adam Hamilton When the One You Love Is Gone by Rebekah L. Miles Beyond the Broken Heart by Julie Yarbrough A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath by Harold Ivan Smith When Grief Breaks Your Heart by James Moore When a Child Dies, edited by Richard Hipps And Then Mark Died by Susan Sonnenday Vogel Grieving a Suicide by Albert Y. Hsu What Do We Tell the Children? by Joseph Primo Grief groups Professional counseling Infertility, Miscarriage, and Stillbirth We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience. —Romans 8:24-25 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” —Matthew 5:4 NRSV Be happy in your hope, stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and devote yourselves to prayer. —Romans 12:12 Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6-7 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. —2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Lifegiving God, we come to you hurt and broken, trying to understand why this life that we had hoped to bring into this world is now gone from us. We only know that where there was sweet expectation, now there is bitter disappointment; where there was hope and excitement, there is a sense of failure and loss. We have seen how fragile life is and nothing can replace this life, this child, whom we have loved before seeing, before feeling it stirring in the womb. In our pain and confusion we look to you, Lord God, in whom no life is without meaning. Prepare my body and please bring to us the right doctors and modern miracles that we might create a child. Give us your compassion that we might live forward. In Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points/Information Regarding Infertility ​Today one in six couples (17 percent) is infertile. ​Infertile women have depression scores that are basically indistinguishable from those of women with cancer, heart disease, or hypertension. The psychological toll of infertility cannot be underestimated. ​Infertility is the inability to conceive after trying for twelve months. ​Primary infertility is not being able to have a live birth of your first child. Secondary infertility is the inability to have a live birth of a child after previously having a child. ​Listen and allow the woman/couple time to share their feelings of pain. ​Connecting them with others who have had this experience is helpful. Suggested Reading Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples Facing Infertility by Sandra Glahn and William Cutter The Infertility Companion: Hope and Help for Couples Facing Infertility by Sandra Glahn and William Cutter Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling with Infertility by Marlo Schlaesky Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss by Adriel Booker Talking Points/Information Particular to Miscarriage ​Miscarriage is losing a fetus before it is able to survive independently, usually any time prior to twenty-eight weeks. ​Recognize that mothers and fathers may feel very similar pain and expressions of grief, but they may also have very different, and what may seem like extreme, emotions. ​Many times people grieve silently, remembering their miscarriage dates without saying a word to anyone. The due date may be a trigger for grief. ​A miscarriage will cause physical and hormonal changes that need to be respected. Part 3 MARKING THE MOMENTS MARKING THE MOMENTS Providing care on behalf of the church certainly does include valleys and dark times of critical care needs, but care is so much more holistic than that! Care includes celebration, milestones, and even marking significant seasons in life. Walking alongside people through both the highs and lows of life is what makes congregational care excellent. The church has a unique opportunity to help people commemorate, celebrate, and make meaning of our human experiences through sacred ritual. It doesn’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful. Often, all it takes is intentionality and mindfulness. Gather, take a few deep breaths, explain that the particular circumstance is worth commemorating or celebrating, then slowly and meaningfully read the scriptures and blessing prayer included. Allow time and space for response from others. If a particular circumstance warrants more ritual, you may choose to set up a sacred space. Light a candle, play some music that fits the tone of the moment, and perhaps set up an altar with special items that reflect the person being celebrated—pictures, icons, knickknacks, etc. You might choose to expand your time of marking the moment with a short anointing service, which is included in this section. ANOINTING SERVICE In the Christian tradition, anointing with oil offers an opportunity for spiritual healing, affirmed by scripture in James 5:13-15. This prayer of faith says, If any of you are suffering, they should pray. If any of you are happy, they should sing. If any of you are sick, they should call for the elders of the church, and the elders should pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. Prayer that comes from faith will heal the sick, for the Lord will restore them to health. And if they have sinned, they will be forgiven. The United Methodist Book of Worship notes, “Anointing the forehead with oil is a sign invoking the healing love of God. The oil points to beyond itself and those doing the anointing to the action of the Holy Spirit and the presence of the healing Christ, who is God’s Anointed One.” Anointing gives the opportunity for spiritual healing, which is a wholeness of body, mind, and spirit. Anointing offers healing, rather than a cure. Anointing people is a powerful reminder of God’s triune presence in their journey, offering the peace that they do not travel alone. If they are near the end of life, anointing helps complete their circle of faith. Anointing can also be meaningful during blessings, commemorations, rites of passage, or milestone markers. Here are some general guidelines and a script for an anointing service. You may plug in additional words and scriptures as you deem appropriate, depending on the situation. How It Works ​After ample sharing has occurred, tell the person you would like to pray for them. ​Ask, “What would you like me to pray?” Let them explain fully. ​Ask if you may anoint them before you pray. ​The person may not be familiar with anointing. Explain anointing and what it represents. Ask the person if they want to experience this. ​Read James 5:13-15 (above). ​Secure the person’s permission or the permission of the family present in the room. ​Explain that you will put oil on your thumb and then make the sign of the cross on the forehead. ​Remind them that this is not offered as a cure but as an invitation to the Holy Spirit to be present with them, offering wholeness in the love of Christ. ​Put oil on your thumb. As you make the sign of the cross on the person’s forehead, say, “I anoint you with oil in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” ​Pray appropriately for the circumstance. ​Pray the Lord’s Prayer together. SEASONS OF LIFE AND MILESTONE BLESSINGS Adoption/Fostering He enacts justice for orphans and widows, and he loves immigrants, giving them food and clothing. —Deuteronomy 10:18 True devotion, the kind that is pure and faultless before God the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their difficulties and to keep the world from contaminating us. —James 1:27 Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. —Matthew 18:5 Enter his gates with thanks; enter his courtyards with praise! Thank him! Bless his name! —Psalm 100:4 Father, Mother, Parent God: We praise you this day for the life of this wonderful child, a gift from you! We are full of joy and hope as we celebrate (Name) as the newest addition to our family. May you fill them with your Spirit, and may they come to know how vast your love for them is through the love they experience in this family. In your Child’s name we pray. Amen. Aging Related Changes Don’t you know? Haven’t you heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He doesn’t grow tired or weary. His understanding is beyond human reach, giving power to the tired and reviving the exhausted. Youths will become tired and weary, young men will certainly stumble; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:28-31 “In old age is wisdom; understanding in a long life.” —Job 12:12 Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is found on the path of righteousness. —Proverbs 16:31 Eternal God, you were here before the beginning, and you will be here after the end. You hung the moon, set the stars, formed the Earth, and breathed life into us. Our planet circles the sun, and we celebrate that (Name) has had the privilege of many years in the world. Their experiences are rich, they have learned many things, and we honor their being. With such experience comes changes, new difficulties, and all the emotions that accompany them. We pray for open hearts, open minds, and open hands to receive these new realities with grace, patience, and curiosity. Bless them in this new stage. Amen. Baptism/Child Dedication Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6 I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are living according to the truth. —3 John 1:4 I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful— I know that very well. My bones weren’t hidden from you when I was being put together in a secret place, when I was being woven together in the deep parts of the earth. —Psalm 139:14-15 Father, Mother, Parent God: We know that this child is a gift from you, and we lift them up to you this day. May this family embody love as your living example, and may (Name) come to know just how much you love them. We dedicate their life to you today, and we vow to raise this child in your way. In your Child’s name we pray. Amen. Empty Nester Like an eagle protecting its nest, hovering over its young, God spread out his wings, took hold of Israel, carried him on his back. —Deuteronomy 32:11 Yes, the sparrow too has found a home there; the swallow has found herself a nest where she can lay her young beside your altars, Lord of heavenly forces, my king, my God! Those who live in your house are truly happy; they praise you constantly. Selah —Psalm 84:3-4 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. —Proverbs 22:6 Parent God, we know that it is a good thing for children to grow, to mature, and to ultimately set out on their own path. And yet, when they do, we have mixed emotions. Pride, anticipation for the future, excitement to devote more time to self may be some emotions (Name) feels. They also may be feeling anxious, sad, and lonely. We commemorate this complicated time with both celebration and lament, knowing that you are the God of (Name) and of (Name’s child). You are with them both, wherever they go—whether they are together or apart. You bind them together. May you bless both of them in this next stage. Amen. Becoming a Grandparent Grandchildren are the crown of the elderly, and the glory of children is their parents. —Proverbs 17:6 When Israel saw Joseph’s sons, he said, “Who are these?” Joseph told his father, “They’re my sons, whom God gave me here.” Israel said, “Bring them to me and I will bless them.” Because Israel’s eyesight had failed from old age and he wasn’t able to see, Joseph brought them close to him, and he kissed and embraced them. —Genesis 48:8-10 The days of a human life are like grass: they bloom like a wildflower; but when the wind blows through it, it’s gone; even the ground where it stood doesn’t remember it. But the Lord’s faithful love is from forever ago to forever from now for those who honor him. And God’s righteousness reaches to the grandchildren. —Psalm 103:15-2 God of the ages, you delight when families and communities work together to raise up young people, teaching them your ways of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We know that it takes all people—caregivers, parents, grandparents, and more—to do this well. We celebrate (Names) today for the blessing of becoming a grandparent! May they continue in your way as an example for their children’s children. Amen. Birthdays This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. —Psalm 118:24 NRSV You teach me the way of life. In your presence is total celebration. Beautiful things are always in your right hand. —Psalm 16:11 You are the one who created my innermost parts; you knit me together while I was still in my mother’s womb. I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful—I know that very well. —Psalm 139:13-14 Creator of life, we give thanks and celebrate the birth of (Name/Names), a glorious creation, unique with many gifts and talents, made in your holy image. We honor their presence and contribution, and give thanks for the presence in our lives. We are grateful (Name) celebrates another year of life, and we pray for the year ahead to be full of blessings. Grant (Name) wisdom, curiosity, and vigor for this year, and remind (her/him/them) of your never-ending presence. Bless *her/him/them) on this journey, in their labor, in their friendships, in their service to you. We pray in the name of our Creator. Amen. Blessing of the Backpacks “I’ve commanded you to be brave and strong, haven’t I? Don’t be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” —Joshua 1:9 When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had left the Sadducees speechless, they met together. One of them, a legal expert, tested him. “Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the Law?” He replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your being, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.” —Matthew 22:34-40 Loving God, thank you for the gift of learning. Thank you for the ones who teach us, guide us, and care for us this school year. I pray that you will bless each child in their journey, each family they represent, and each person in the education system. May you use us, the church, to support and bless them along the way. In Jesus’s name. Amen. Blessing of a Home The Lord bless you and protect you. The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his face to you and grant you peace. —Numbers 6:24-26 By wisdom a house is built; by understanding it is established. By knowledge rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant wealth. —Proverbs 24:3-4 Don’t neglect to open up your homes to guests, because by doing this some have been hosts to angels without knowing it. —Hebrews 13:2 O God, our refuge, We rejoice and give thanks for this home, and for the shelter it will provide for (Name/Names). For the moments created, the meals shared, and rest granted, we pray for your Holy Spirit to dwell in this space. May it be a safe refuge from the difficult days, and a holy space to be delighted with joy. Embolden (Name/Names) to be loving neighbors and show radical hospitality within these walls. May this home be a place of togetherness, growth, creating, and peace. May this home be a sanctuary to abide in your deep love, and be filled with your strength to go forth and bear fruit. Bless (Name/Names) that (she/he/they) may feel your presence, experience your nourishment, and welcome others with glad and joyful hearts. Through Christ our Lord we pray. Amen. Blessing of the Pets God said, “Let the waters swarm with living things, and let birds fly above the earth up in the dome of the sky.” God created the great sea animals and all the tiny living things that swarm in the waters, each according to its kind, and all the winged birds, each according to its kind. God saw how good it was. Then God blessed them: “Be fertile and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let the birds multiply on the earth.” There was evening and there was morning: the fifth day. God said, “Let the earth produce every kind of living thing: livestock, crawling things, and wildlife.” And that’s what happened. God made every kind of wildlife, every kind of livestock, and every kind of creature that crawls on the ground. God saw how good it was. —Genesis 1:20-25 “Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds in the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable this beloved creature to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God, in all your creatures! Amen.” —The Humane Society Caregiving “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. —1 Peter 5:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusts him. I was helped, my heart rejoiced, and I thank him with my song. —Psalm 28:7 God of Compassion, You have called and equipped (Name) to let your love be known in the caring of (Name of care-receiver) and to shoulder the burden of suffering. (Name) has chosen to dedicate (himself/herself/themself) to your service, in your spirit of compassion and grace. Help (Name) to develop deep love and respect for (his/her/their) own well-being as (he/she/they) strives to offer (those in Name’s care) the best of care. Help (Name) to know and accept human limitations, to trust in your provisions, and to embrace the gift of self-care and the art of drawing healthy boundaries that will allow (him/ her/them) to provide the best care possible for (Name of care-receiver). Grant (Name) the courage to ask for help and accept the benefit of resources available so that others may share in bearing the load. May (Name) experience refreshment for her soul and renewed energy in moments of meditation, exercise, or a conversation with a friend. Dwell in (Name) and fill (him/her/ them) while breathing in deeply your spirit of compassion and grace, and exhaling the strain and tensions held tightly within. With every deep breath, may (Name) find much-needed rest in you. As the body of Christ, we are grateful for the sharing of one another’s burdens and our bounty in a spirit of gratitude for your many blessings. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Celebrating Growth Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. To him belongs glory now and forever. Amen. —2 Peter 3:18 We always give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you. We’ve done this since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all God’s people. You have this faith and love because of the hope reserved for you in heaven. You previously heard about this hope through the true message, the good news, which has come to you. This message has been bearing fruit and growing among you since the day you heard and truly understood God’s grace, in the same way that it is bearing fruit and growing in the whole world. —Colossians 1:3-6 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in faith so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. —Romans 15:13 Creator God, We celebrate the life of (Name) and the work of grace you are accomplishing in (him/her/them). Your mercies in (Name) are new every morning as you guide, nurture, and equip (Name) with every good gift. We are grateful for Your love within (Name) that continues to flourish, and for the fruits of Your spirit (Name) that bear testimony to your steadfast love and faithfulness. Thank you for the prayers of many who entrust (Name) to your constant care, and the blessings that fill (Name) with all joy and peace as his faith journey continues, overflowing with hope by the power of your Holy Spirit. May (Name) keep (his/her/their) eyes on you as (he/she/they) continue to grow in grace and knowledge of you, with all glory to you, O God. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Commemorating Change When the Lord changed Zion’s circumstances for the better, it was like we had been dreaming. Our mouths were suddenly filled with laughter; our tongues were filled with joyful shouts. It was even said, at that time, among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them!” Yes, the Lord has done great things for us, and we are overjoyed. —Psalm 126:1-3 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. —Psalm 143:5 ESV Loving God, we know that change is a natural part of life, yet we experience anxiety, hope, and even perhaps some grief as we commemorate this significant life change. You, O God, do not change. You remain constant in our lives amid the twists and turns. We hold on to your steadfast love today as we look back and remember. We hold on to your steadfast love today as we look forward with hope and anticipation. Amen. Confirmation “I assure you that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Go from here to there,’ and it will go. There will be nothing that you can’t do.” —Matthew 17:20 Jesus said to the Jews who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teaching. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” —John 8:31-32 You are saved by God’s grace because of your faith. This salvation is God’s gift. It’s not something you possessed. It’s not something you did that you can be proud of. —Ephesians 2:8-9 Almighty God, thank you for the life of (Name). Thank you for the mercy you had for them before they were ever born, and for the incredible call that you have for them. As they confirm their faith today, may your faith continue to grow as you fill them with all grace. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen. First Bible Your word is a lamp before my feet and a light for my journey. —Psalm 119:105 You must be doers of the word and not only hearers who mislead themselves. —James 1:22 “Everybody who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise builder who built a house on bedrock.” —Matthew 7:24 God, we thank you for the gift of scripture—-for the stories, poems, lessons, and more that guide us closer to your great love for us. I pray that you will bless (Name) as they receive this Bible. May they dig into scripture for themself and learn more about who you are and who they are. May they become so excited about their new Bible and finding out the deep truth about Jesus and how your power can radically change the world that they wear this Bible out and need a new one! Amen. Graduation God has the power to provide you with more than enough of every kind of grace. That way, you will have everything you need always and in everything to provide more than enough for every kind of good work. —2 Corinthians 9:8 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. —Isaiah 43:2 Glory to God, who is able to do far beyond all that we could ask or imagine by his power at work within us. —Ephesians 3:20 Everlasting and unchanging God, we thank you for (Name) today, as they complete one phase of life and begin the transition to another. Graduation is a celebration, and we also recognize that sometimes endings evoke strong emotions—grief, anxiety, or hesitance. We pray for peace over those emotions. We also know that with an ending comes a new beginning, and that sometimes evokes strong emotions too. We thank you for the joy and anticipation of this new season. May you be with (Name) as they embark on their new journey. In Jesus’s name. Amen. New Name/Gender Transition And because I have made you the ancestor of many nations, your name will no longer be Abram but Abraham. —Genesis 17:5 Then he said, “Your name won’t be Jacob any longer, but Israel, because you struggled with God and with men and won.” —Genesis 32:28 God who knows us by name, you have declared (new Name) beloved just as (he/she/they) is/are. Sarah was promised a family that would bless the whole world. Jacob wrestled with God and received a blessing. Peter became the rock on which Christ’s church is built. We celebrate the rich history of you blessing your people and renaming them into who you have called them to be. May it be so with (new Name), now and forever. Amen. Raising Children Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6 Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. —1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 No doubt about it: children are a gift from the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a divine reward. —Psalm 127:3 God of grace, for the monumental task and responsibility of raising a child, we ask for your wisdom and guidance for (Name/Names). This holy act of caring for and tending to your beloved child/children is one that does not come easy. The unseen labor, sleepless nights, and constant demand can weigh heavy. Give (Name/ Names) respite and remind them of your never-ending presence. May (Name/Names) abide in the joy and delight that children bring. Bless these precious, fleeting moments that are holy gifts of heaven on earth. In your loving name we pray. Amen. Recovery Anniversary But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. —2 Corinthians 12:9 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! —2 Corinthians 5:17 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. —Isaiah 43:18-19 God of infinite chances, you are so good! You strengthen the weak, forgive our wrongdoings, and set us on new paths that are bright for the future. We celebrate (name) today, on their sober anniversary of (number of days/weeks/months/years they are sober). May they press on, encouraged and inspired to thrive with clarity and purpose. May you continue to be their guiding light, source of strength, and story to tell. Bless them as they continue on their journey of sobriety with joy. Amen. Remission/Successful Medical Intervention Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever. —Psalm 136:1-3 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” —Deuteronomy 31:6 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. —1 Peter 1:3-7 Physician God, we are so thankful. We are grateful for (Name) and their new medical reality. We’re grateful for science, the medical staff and caregivers, and all who had a hand in this. We celebrate their medical success, and we look toward the future with hope. May this event serve as a reminder that good can still come out of difficult times. Amen. Retirement Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 3:13-14 For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you. I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. —Psalm 71:5-8 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. —Galatians 6:9-10 God of Sarah and Abraham, it turns out you have work for us to do, even in our retirement age. We are grateful for the work that (Name) has done up until now, and we are grateful for whatever lies ahead. May you guide them as they navigate new experiences in this new life stage. May they remember that, though they are retired from their vocation, there’s still work to be done for your kin-dom. Amen! Transition to Adolescence When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, reason like a child, think like a child. But now that I have become a man, I’ve put an end to childish things. —1 Corinthians 13:11 Jesus matured in wisdom and years, and in favor with God and with people. —Luke 2:52 I’m sure about this: the one who started a good work in you will stay with you to complete the job by the day of Christ Jesus. —Philippians 1:6 God of love, we celebrate today as (Name) transitions from childhood to adolescence, and with this growth comes new roles, responsibilities, and privileges. With so many transitions during this time, I pray they remember that they are God’s beloved creation. They always have been and always will be—even when things feel uncertain. For every beginning there is an ending, and for every ending, there is a new beginning. Transition brings about a variety of feelings including excitement, fear, sadness, anxiety, joy, and uncertainty. God, you are our steadfast rock, with us today, amid this exciting time. As (Name) moves on to the next milestone in their life, I pray they will remember that love is what holds us all together. Amen. Wedding Anniversary/Vow Renewal/ Ring Exchange May your spring be blessed. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. —Proverbs 5:18 And over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. —Colossians 3:14 Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth. Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things. Love never fails. —1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Two are better than one because they have a good return for their hard work. If either should fall, one can pick up the other. But how miserable are those who fall and don’t have a companion to help them up! Also, if two lie down together, they can stay warm. But how can anyone stay warm alone? Also, one can be overpowered, but two together can put up resistance. A three-ply cord doesn’t easily snap. —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 God of love, thank you for these two who are once again committing themselves to each other. Thank you for their love, which you inspired in them. I pray that they would embody patience, kindness, trust, and hope in their love. We know that love never fails, and I pray a special blessing of enduring love over them this day. May they choose each other over and over, every day, for the rest of their lives. In your name. Amen. Appendix THE CARING CONGREGATION RESOURCES For more information on how to implement the laity-led Caring Congregation model, resources to assist you in developing the ministry for your own congregation, and tools to support it, please visit www.cokesbury.com and www.thecaringcongregation.com. RESOURCES INCLUDE: The Congregational Care Ministry: Implementation Guide by Karen Lampe and Melissa Collier Gepford The Congregational Care Ministry: Care Minister’s Manual by Karen Lampe and Melissa Collier Gepford The Caring Congregation Podcast (on Apple or Sound-cloud) The Caring Congregation Academy online courses The CCM Start-Up Kit (includes application, recruitment ad, interview guidelines, and confidentiality agreement)