Part 2 PRAYERS, SCRIPTURES, AND OTHER TOOLS CRISIS AND TRAUMA As challenging as traumatic moments are across our communities, they offer an opening for the church to bring Christlike healing. This section will address some very current situations and provide scripture and prayers while leading people out of the darkest of moments. It is absolutely essential that our own theology as people of faith be well thought out. Probably most important, remember that crisis and trauma are not God’s will for our lives but rather the result of living in an imperfect world where bad things happen. God is with us through the crisis and helps us have our own moments of resurrecting out of the trauma. As caregivers, it is essential to be able to assure people that God is with them, helping them to make it through the pain and then to eventually help them rise up into new creatures in Christ. Addiction “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 NRSV Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words…. In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. —Romans 8:26, 37-38 NRSV I don’t know what I’m doing, because I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do the thing that I hate. But if I’m doing the thing that I don’t want to do, I’m agreeing that the Law is right. But now I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, it’s sin that lives in me. I know that good doesn’t live in me—that is, in my body. The desire to do good is inside of me, but I can’t do it. I don’t do the good that I want to do, but I do the evil that I don’t want to do. But if I do the very thing that I don’t want to do, then I’m not the one doing it anymore. Instead, it is sin that lives in me that is doing it. —Romans 7:15-20 It’s not that I have already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose. Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. The goal I pursue is the prize of God’s upward call in Christ Jesus. So all of us who are spiritually mature should think this way, and if anyone thinks differently, God will reveal it to him or her. Only let’s live in a way that is consistent with whatever level we have reached. —Philippians 3:12-16 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. —Reinhold Niebuhr, “Serenity Prayer” Talking Points ​There is a need for the person to have the will to recover. The person’s ownership of the problem and intention to begin to recover has to come first. ​Acknowledge the dependence on alcohol, drugs, pornography, and so forth. ​There are people who can walk alongside you on this journey. They may be in recovery from their own journeys. ​You can live a new life in Christ. ​Love yourself: you are a child of God. Shaming yourself does not help. ​Set aside a disciplined time and place to work on your addiction. ​People with substance use disorders need additional help beyond congregational care: counseling, medical assistance, and in many cases prescription medication. Suggested Readings Nurturing the Light Inside: Overcoming Addiction and Codependency on the Path to Self-Love by Sherry Danner Intervention: How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help by Vernon Johnson Addict in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery by Beverly Conyers Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie Life Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-Ups, and Habits by John Baker The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, 4th ed., by AA Services Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey Resources Alcoholic Anonymous: www.aa.org Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org Al-Anon: www.al-anon.alateen.org Recovery Ministry at COR.org Anger Pursue the goal of peace along with everyone—and holiness as well, because no one will see the Lord without it. Make sure that no one misses out on God’s grace. Make sure that no root of bitterness grows up that might cause trouble and pollute many people. —Hebrews 12:14-15 Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say. —Ephesians 4:29 Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry. —James 1:19 Savior Jesus, my anger has not provided the healing, respect, and intimacy that I want. Forgive me for the ways that I have hurt others. I place the hurt that is causing my anger in your hands. Heal me, Lord Jesus. I need you. Amen. Talking Points ​Anger is a trailhead that points to some hurt in a person’s life. To find healing for that anger, direct the person to reflect on the following: O Why does this of all things make you so angry? Follow that question until you find the wound that you tend to lock up. Ask Jesus in prayer to heal that pain, which is using anger to feed it. Schedule an appointment with either a pastor or a therapist, or both, to talk about the anger. The goal is not to erase the hurt but to recognize it and find better ways of healing other than becoming angry. Counting to ten, walking away, or giving yourself space can be helpful when enraged. Suggested Reading and Resources The Angry Book by Theodore Rubin Anger by Gary Chapman The Art of Forgiveness by Lewis Smedes Forgiveness by Lewis Smedes You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz Angry God by Michelle Novotini The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner Anger Management Classes Provide the person a list of anger management classes, support groups, or other resources for learning and support. Anxiety Anxiety leads to depression, but a good word encourages. —Proverbs 12:25 Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. —1 Peter 5:7 Be glad in the Lord always! Again I say, be glad! Let your gentleness show in your treatment of all people. The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. —Philippians 4:4-6 But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior…. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you. —Excerpts from Isaiah 43 “Therefore, I say to you, don’t worry about your life, what you’ll eat or what you’ll drink, or about your body, what you’ll wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than they are? Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? Notice how the lilies in the field grow. They don’t wear themselves out with work, and they don’t spin cloth. But I say to you that even Solomon in all of his splendor wasn’t dressed like one of these. If God dresses grass in the field so beautifully, even though it’s alive today and tomorrow it’s thrown into the furnace, won’t God do much more for you, you people of weak faith? Therefore, don’t worry and say, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ Gentiles long for all these things. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them. Instead, desire first and foremost God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” —Matthew 6:25-34 One prayer tool you can share is a simple ABC Prayer: “A” is to acknowledge how you are feeling, without judgment. “B” is being aware of your breath. Breathing in peace, exhaling your pain. “C” is choosing to be full of love, light, grace, peace, and joy. Key Symptoms of Anxiety ​Excessive worrying ​Panic, fear, and restlessness ​Sleep problems ​Not being able to stay calm or still ​Cold, sweaty, numb, or tingling hands or feet ​Shortness of breath ​Hearth palpitations ​Dry mouth ​Nausea Talking Points ​To find healing for anxiety, direct the person to reflect on the following: ​Listen to the anxiety. What wisdom and instruction is it telling you? ​Some degree of anxiety can be good. ​Fear differs from anxiety. ​Legitimate fears have an object. ​Obsessive worry can cause unhealthy anxiety. ​In the Bible, the Greek word for anxiety comes from two root words that mean “divide” and “mind.” ​You are a child of God and you are loved. ​What is the root cause of your anxiety? ​Can you name triggers, the things that cause you to be anxious? ​Why would you stay stuck in anxiety patterns? ​What is to be gained by being anxious? What is to be gained by giving up anxiety? ​What would you do for God if you had no anxiety? ​Name one thing that is overwhelming. Why is it so important? Suggested Reading and Resources You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz Anxiety Attacked: Apply Scriptures to the Cares of the Soul by John Macarthur Jr. Embracing the Fear: Learning to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks by Judith Bemis Fearless Relationships: Simple Rules for Lifelong Contentment by Karen Casey The Breath of Life: A Simple Way to Pray by Ron DelBene Paths to Prayer: Finding Your Own Way to the Presence of God by Patricia D. Brown Coronavirus Anxiety Workbook by The Wellness Society Live Well classes through COR.org Centers for Anxiety Treatment Association for Adult Development and Aging (https://www.aadadivision.org/) Local church for pastoral counseling Local community counseling specialist Cancer/Chronic Illness I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. God won’t let your foot slip. Your protector won’t fall asleep on the job. No! Israel’s protector never sleeps or rests! The Lord is your protector; the Lord is your shade right beside you. The sun won’t strike you during the day; neither will the moon at night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; God will protect your very life. The Lord will protect you on your journeys— whether going or coming— from now until forever from now. —Psalm 121 My whole being clings to you; your strong hand upholds me. —Psalm 63:8 Although he has caused grief, he will show compassion in measure with his covenant loyalty. —Lamentations 3:32 We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. —2 Corinthians 4:8 I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength. —Philippians 4:13 Lord, you said that when we walk through the water, you will be with us; we are precious in your sight and you love us. In this time of health trial and adversity, I need to be aware of your presence more than ever. Lord, some days I feel hard-pressed on every side, but with you near I do not feel crushed. I am struck down at times, but not destroyed. When this disease makes me feel as if I don’t have any control, Lord, give me strength and courage, hold me in the palm of your hand, and give me peace. Amen. Talking Points ​Love the physical part of you that carries the cancer or other chronic illness. Take care of yourself! ​Focus on treatment opportunities. ​Find joy within adversity when possible. ​Ask supporters to be with you where you are—whether in pain or in joy as cheerleaders. Suggested Reading and Resources Jesus Calling by Sarah Young Jesus Lives by Sarah Young The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead What about Divine Healing? by Susan Sonnenday Vogel Cancer support groups Ongoing pastoral care and counseling opportunities from the church The American Cancer Society Caring Conversations (www.practicalbioethics.org) Depression How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I be left to my own wits, agony filling my heart? Daily? How long will my enemy keep defeating me? Look at me! Answer me, Lord my God! Restore sight to my eyes! Otherwise, I’ll sleep the sleep of death. —Psalm 13:1-3 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:18 But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you…. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you…. Don’t remember the prior things; don’t ponder ancient history. Look! I’m doing a new thing; now it sprouts up; don’t you recognize it? I’m making a way in the desert, paths in the wilderness. —Isaiah 43:1-2, 5, 18-19 I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength. Still, you have done well to share my distress. —Philippians 4:13-14 Healing God, I celebrate your power to bring light to the darkness and healing and comfort to the brokenhearted. Your ways are mysterious, wonderful, and too vast for me to comprehend. As the Great Physician, be with me through moments of despair and hopelessness. Grant me hope and assurance that my life will be surrounded by your love and comfort. You are the God of hope. Give me the tools that will help me through this difficult journey. In Christ’s name. Amen. Key Symptoms of Depression ​Depressed mood ​Loss of interest or pleasure in all (or nearly all) activities ​A large increase or decrease in appetite/weight ​Insomnia or hypersomnia ​Slowing of physical movements or severe agitation ​Intense fatigue ​Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness ​Difficulty concentrating or making decisions ​Frequent thoughts of death or suicidality (Stephen Ilardi, The Depression Cure, 2009) Talking Points ​Listen to the message of depression. What is it trying to tell you? ​Break the cycle of negative rumination that is part of depression. ​What is good about you? ​Who is in your support system? ​Use helpful tools to combat depression: ​Exercise ​Omega-3 fatty acids ​Sunshine ​Social activity ​Sufficient rest ​A healthy diet Suggested Reading and Resources “When the World Seems Overwhelming: Dealing with Depression” (sermon) by Karen Lampe, May 22, 2005, UMC Church of the Resurrection, Sermon Archives The Depression Cure by Dr. Steven Ilardi Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth Finding Hope Again by Neal Anderson and Hal Baumchen Professional counselor Mental health questions at www.Godtest.com Live Well Curriculum from COR.org The Burns Depression Checklist (www.suicideforum.com/bdc/index.html) Mental Illness The Lord is my light and my salvation. Should I fear anyone? The Lord is a fortress protecting my life. Should I be frightened of anything? When evildoers come at me trying to eat me up— it’s they, my foes and my enemies, who stumble and fall! If an army camps against me, my heart won’t be afraid. If war comes up against me, I will continue to trust in this: I have asked one thing from the Lord— it’s all I seek: to live in the Lord’s house all the days of my life, seeing the Lord’s beauty and constantly adoring his temple. Because he will shelter me in his own dwelling during troubling times; he will hide me in a secret place in his own tent; he will set me up high, safe on a rock. Now my head is higher than the enemies surrounding me, and I will offer sacrifices in God’s tent— sacrifices with shouts of joy! I will sing and praise the Lord. Lord, listen to my voice when I cry out— have mercy on me and answer me! Come, my heart says, seek God’s face. Lord, I do seek your face! Please don’t hide it from me! Don’t push your servant aside angrily— you have been my help! God who saves me, don’t neglect me! Don’t leave me all alone! Even if my father and mother left me all alone, the Lord would take me in. Lord, teach me your way; because of my opponents, lead me on a good path. Don’t give me over to the desires of my enemies, because false witnesses and violent accusers have taken their stand against me. But I have sure faith that I will experience the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Hope in the Lord! Be strong! Let your heart take courage! Hope in the Lord! —Psalm 27 Save me, God, because the waters have reached my neck! I have sunk into deep mud. My feet can’t touch the bottom! I have entered deep water; the flood has swept me up. I am tired of crying. My throat is hoarse. My eyes are exhausted with waiting for my God…. God, in your great and faithful love, answer me with your certain salvation! Save me from the mud! Don’t let me drown! Let me be saved from those who hate me and from these watery depths! Don’t let me be swept away by the floodwaters! Don’t let the abyss swallow me up! Don’t let the pit close its mouth over me! Answer me, Lord, for your faithful love is good! Turn to me in your great compassion! Don’t hide your face from me, your servant, because I’m in deep trouble. Answer me quickly! Come close to me! Redeem me! Save me because of my enemies! You know full well the insults I’ve received; you know my shame and my disgrace. All my adversaries are right there in front of you. Insults have broken my heart. I’m sick about it. I hoped for sympathy, but there wasn’t any; I hoped for comforters, but couldn’t find any. They gave me poison for food. To quench my thirst To quench my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink. Let the table before them become a trap, their offerings a snare. Let their eyes grow too dim to see; make their insides tremble constantly.… You who seek God— let your hearts beat strong again because the Lord listens to the needy and doesn’t despise his captives. Let heaven and earth praise God, the oceans too, and all that moves within them! —selections from Psalm 69 I give thanks to you with all my heart, Lord. I sing your praise before all other gods. I bow toward your holy temple and thank your name for your loyal love and faithfulness because you have made your name and word greater than everything else. On the day I cried out, you answered me. You encouraged me with inner strength. Let all the earth’s rulers give thanks to you, Lord, when they hear what you say. Let them sing about the Lord’s ways because the Lord’s glory is so great! because the Lord’s glory is so great! Even though the Lord is high, he can still see the lowly, but God keeps his distance from the arrogant. Whenever I am in deep trouble, you make me live again; you send your power against my enemies’ wrath; you save me with your strong hand. The Lord will do all this for my sake. Your faithful love lasts forever, Lord! Don’t let go of what your hands have made. —Psalm 138 I call all this to mind—therefore, I will wait. Certainly the faithful love of the Lord hasn’t ended; certainly God’s compassion isn’t through! They are renewed every morning. Great is your faithfulness. I think: The Lord is my portion! Therefore, I’ll wait for him. —Lamentations 3:21-24 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid.” —John 14:27 God of our whole selves, we praise you that you are with (Name) even now, in the midst of turmoil, anxiety, and despair. We know you care about their spirit, body, and mind, and we pray now for a sense of peace and stillness. Bless (Name) with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—the fruit of your Spirit in them—as they face another day. It’s in your son’s precious name we pray. Amen. Key Ideas and Talking Points about Mental Health ​In almost all cases, mental health is a function of a chemical imbalance, plus a genetic predisposition, combined with environmental factors. ​MRI studies increasingly demonstrate that mental illness is best accounted for as differences in neurological functioning. ​One in five American adults experiences a mental illness in a given year. ​Major mental illness reduces life expectancy by up to thirty years. ​About 60 percent of people with mental illness do not receive treatment, usually because of stigma. ​What are the statistics for depression, anxiety, and suicide in your local area? Rape/Sexual Assault But now, says the Lord— the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior. I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place. Because you are precious in my eyes, you are honored, and I love you. I give people in your place, and nations in exchange for your life. Don’t fear, I am with you. From the east I’ll bring your children; from the west I’ll gather you. —Isaiah 43:1-5 Listen to my prayer, Lord! Because of your faithfulness, hear my requests for mercy! Because of your righteousness, answer me! Please don’t bring your servant to judgment, because no living thing is righteous before you. The enemy is chasing me, crushing my life in the dirt, forcing me to live in the dark like those who’ve been dead forever. My spirit is weak inside me— inside, my mind is numb. I remember the days long past; I meditate on all your deeds; I contemplate your handiwork. I stretch out my hands to you; my whole being is like dry dirt, thirsting for you. Selah Answer me, Lord—and quickly! My breath is fading. Don’t hide your face from me or I’ll be like those going down to the pit! Tell me all about your faithful love come morning time, because I trust you. Show me the way I should go, because I offer my life up to you. Deliver me from my enemies, Lord! I seek protection from you. Teach me to do what pleases you, because you are my God. Guide me by your good spirit into good land. Make me live again, Lord, for your name’s sake. Bring me out of distress because of your righteousness. —Psalm 143:1-11 God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. —Psalm 147:3 Lord, give me the grace to be honest—honest about my pain, honest about my feelings, honest about my anger, and honest about my questions. How could this have happened to me, God? Please lead me to trusted friends, mentors, and professionals who can help me process what has happened. Gracious God, help me be ever aware of your presence and remind me that I am a beloved child of God. In due time, Lord, help me rise up out of the ashes of this that I might help others regain their confidence and assurance that they are worthy. All this in Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points/Information ​It is not your fault. ​You are made in the image of God. ​You are not alone. Suggested Reading Little Girl Lost: One Woman’s Journey beyond Rape by Leisha Joseph Survivor Care: What Religious Professionals Need to Know about Healing Trauma by Christy Gunter Sim Suicide The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:18 “But the Lord is the one who is marching before you! He is the one who will be with you! He won’t let you down. He won’t abandon you. So don’t be afraid or scared!” —Deuteronomy 31:8 I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful—I know that very well. —Psalm 139:14 Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? —Romans 8:35 Have mercy on me, Lord, because I’m depressed. My vision fails because of my grief, as do my spirit and my body. My life is consumed with sadness; my years are consumed with groaning. Strength fails me because of my suffering; my bones dry up.… I am forgotten, like I’m dead, completely out of mind; I am like a piece of pottery, destroyed.… But me? I trust you, Lord! I affirm, “You are my God.” My future is in your hands. Don’t hand me over to my enemies, to all who are out to get me! Shine your face on your servant; save me by your faithful love! Lord, don’t let me be put to shame because I have cried out to you.… Bless the Lord, because he has wondrously revealed his faithful love to me when I was like a city under siege! When I was panicked, I said, “I’m cut off from your eyes!” But you heard my request for mercy when I cried out to you for help. —Excerpts from Psalm 31 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest. —John 10:10 Living God, open my heart that I may connect to your Spirit. Lord, I acknowledge that I am feeling fearful, overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed. Help me to remember that I am your precious child and that you want me to live a full life. God of healing grace, help me to breathe deeply as I breathe in your peace and exhale any pain or anxiety that I may be experiencing. God, help me to visualize your light and love reaching out to me that I may find new peace, comfort, and assurance that you are with me. Help me to choose life, that I may fight for my life and find the right fellowship of others who will help me during this challenging time. All this I pray in Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points and Information ​Contemplating suicide can be the result of untreated depression, anxiety, or untreated pain and suffering. Some of the main drivers of suicide include PTSD, thwarted love, fractured control, assaulted self-image, and the rupture of a key relationship (Harold Ivan Smith, A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath, 2006). ​If you are suicidal, seek help immediately. ​Create a plan with a trusted pastor or counselor including whom to call if you are suffering. ​Remember you are a precious child of God. Suggested Reading and Resources Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE Call 911 www.suicidepreventionlifeline.com www.musicforthesoul.org Live Well curriculum: http://www.cor.org/ministries/care-and-support/live-well/ Depression interview with Dr. Stephen Ilardi: http://www.cor.org/ministries/care-and-support/live-well/depression-interview/ Talking Points and Information for Survivors of Suicide ​God is the great parent and did not cause this death. ​It is no one’s fault. ​Chemical imbalance can cause irrational thinking. ​“Why would he/she do this to us?” is a normal question. ​“Took his life” or “completed suicide” is theologically a better choice of wording than “committed suicide,” which links it to a sinful act. ​The United Methodist Church believes that nothing, including suicide, can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:35-38). ​Talk out loud with a trusted pastor, counselor, or caregiver about the emotions you are experiencing. ​Remember above all else that we are Easter people and that the unconditional love of God will see us through this event. ​Suicide care requires a team effort of pastors, counselors, and a helpful grief group. Suggested Readings and Resources Why? by Adam Hamilton A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath by Harold Ivan Smith Take the Dimness of My Soul Away: Healing after a Loved One’s Suicide by William Ritter When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner The Will of God by Leslie D. Weatherhead Local grief ministry or contact the grief ministry at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection Local grief counselors and groups Continued connection to pastor or theologically trained caregiver COMMUNAL TRAUMA Care ministers and caregivers often provide care to individuals for their personal trauma and hardship. Sometimes, though, the trauma is communal, and we need to respond with care to our entire community. Most people who are old enough to remember September 11, 2001, remember exactly where they were when they heard the news that the United States had been attacked. That is communal trauma. The pandemic is communal trauma. Mass shootings, insurrections, police brutality, war, natural disasters, financial crisis, hate crimes, and famine are all communal traumas. We follow a God who heard the cries of an entire people enslaved in Egypt and called on Moses to do something about it. Immediate Responses Go to the scene if you can safely be present. Work as a team. Listen. Attend to physical needs. Offer scripture and prayer when appropriate. Make a plan for next steps. Collaborate with other local care institutions and agencies as appropriate. Ongoing Responses Abide by local, state, and national guidelines. Call on denominational leaders for resources, financial assistance, and first responders. Communicate, communicate, communicate with your congregation and local leaders. Check in and follow up with those most affected. Create trauma follow-up programs that include mental health professionals. Restore and continue weekly worship with helpful theology. Create care classes such as prayer and grief groups. Attend to financial assistance with community leaders. Creatively utilize volunteers’ skills for new needs, such as face masks, sandbags (for flooding), food banks, and construction crews. Global Events The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. —Psalm 34:2 We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. We are harassed, but we aren’t abandoned. We are knocked down, but we aren’t knocked out. —2 Corinthians 4:8-9 God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves. —Psalm 46:1-3 Gracious, loving God, we pray for those, including ourselves, who live surrounded by darkness, chaos, grief, or violence, during this global crisis. Reveal your holy presence to all your people, any and everywhere, so that all may encounter your comfort, strength, healing, hope, and unconditional love. Bring peace to all who are grieving the loss of loved ones, livelihood, and shelter. Let your love be known through those who are working to bring order in this chaos. Help us, as the body of Christ, to shoulder the burden of suffering. In our collective grief and agony for this broken world, make us one community bound together by your unconditional love and boundless grace, responding in generous and practical ways to the needs of others, guided by your Holy Spirit. Make us bearers of that hope that is found in you. Help us to stand strong in these terrifying moments of loss and uncertainty and place our trust in you, the God our refuge and strength. We are never alone. We can find our hope and strength to carry on in your steadfast love that endures forever. Thanks be to God! Amen. Local Events God didn’t give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. —2 Timothy 1:7 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. Our heart rejoices in God because we trust his holy name. Lord, let your faithful love surround us because we wait for you. —Psalm 33:20-22 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 Gracious and loving God, we acknowledge you as our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble, while also acknowledging our gripping fear and anxious thoughts that arise in the wake of (named local crisis). Our community is grieving, weary, lonely, and broken. We need a word of hope and assurance from you today, God, words to sustain us and to comfort us. So we are here, together, acknowledging our own fears as we face uncertain times. We confess our own sense of hopelessness and feelings of despair. By the power of your Holy Spirit, help us recall your faithfulness toward your people in times of violence, war, or natural disasters, bringing your light, healing, hope, and restoration to the darkness. In our situation, help us to trust in You. Guide our city officials and first responders, and all who assume the responsibility to lead, direct, and care for us, especially during this crisis. Give us all courage to join you in the struggle to bring mercy and justice to our hurting community. Guide us by your Spirit and empower us to work together for our neighbors, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Show us Christ’s way of compassion, healing, and hope. In all the holy names of God, we pray. Amen. Natural Disaster God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves. —Psalm 46:1-3 But now, says the Lord—the one who created you, Jacob, the one who formed you, Israel: Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior…. Because you are precious in my eyes, you are honored, and I love you. —Isaiah 43:1-3a, 4 My God will meet your every need out of his riches in the glory that is found in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:19 Gracious, loving God, thank you for being (Name’s) refuge and strength, especially in this time of great trouble. May (Name), and all impacted by this disaster, struggling to make sense of the tragic loss of life, livelihood, and shelter, trust in your steadfast love and faithfulness. When fear of the unknown, weariness, and anxiety threaten to overtake (Name), reassure (him/her/them) that you are present in the circumstances. Help (Name) trust in You to meet each need. Strengthen (Name) for what lies ahead and grant (him/her/them) your peace and rest when the way of recovery from this tragic event is hard and weary. Help us as your church to respond in tangible ways to (Name’s) needs that reflect your love and grace at work in this situation. May (Name) know that you are present every step of the way toward restoration and wholeness. Remind (Name) how precious and honored (he/she/they) is/are in your sight, and how deeply loved (Name) is. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Lament of Injustice Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable. Speak out in order to judge with righteousness and to defend the needy and the poor. —Proverbs 31:8-9 He has told you, human one, what is good and what the Lord requires from you: to do justice, embrace faithful love, and walk humbly with your God. —Micah 6:8 But if someone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but refuses to help—how can the love of God dwell in a person like that? Little children, let’s not love with words or speech but with action and truth. —1 John 3:17-18 But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. —Amos 5:24 You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped depravity, you have eaten the fruit of lies, because you have trusted in your way and in your many warriors. —Hosea 10:13 But the Lord says, “Because the poor are oppressed, because of the groans of the needy, I’m now standing up. I will provide the help they are gasping for.” —Psalm 12:5 Now crushing underfoot all the earth’s prisoners, denying someone justice before the Most High, subverting a person’s lawsuit— doesn’t my Lord see all this? —Lamentations 3:34-36 They cried out with a loud voice, “Holy and true Master, how long will you wait before you pass judgment? How long before you require justice for our blood, which was shed by those who live on earth?” —Revelation 6:10 Then Jesus went into the temple and threw out all those who were selling and buying there. He pushed over the tables used for currency exchange and the chairs of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It’s written, My house will be called a house of prayer. But you’ve made it a hideout for crooks.” —Matthew 21:12-13 O Holy One, do you see our suffering? Do you hear our lament? We are tired. We are traumatized. We have been wronged. How long, O Lord, must we encounter these injustices? We long for what mother Mary sang about centuries ago. Scatter the proud; lift up the lowly and bring down the powerful; feed the hungry and send the rich away empty-handed; come to our aid, God. Hear our cries. Your way is the way of justice. May it be so. Amen. Elections First of all, then, I ask that requests, prayers, petitions, and thanksgiving be made for all people. Pray for kings and everyone who is in authority so that we can live a quiet and peaceful life in complete godliness and dignity. This is right and it pleases God our savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. —1 Timothy 2:1-4 If my people who belong to me will humbly pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land. —2 Chronicles 7:14 He has told you, human one, what is good and what the Lord requires from you: to do justice, embrace faithful love, and walk humbly with your God. —Micah 6:8 God, may we be more concerned with your kingdom than the empires and realms of power in this world. Help us to fix our eyes on what is good, noble, and true. May you use us as vessels to enact change in our community, country, and world and inspire others to do the same. We pray for our leaders that their hearts may be bent toward your will, toward justice for all people. We pray the Lord’s prayer now: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Division Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other with love, and make an effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit with the peace that ties you together. —Ephesians 4:2-3 Now I encourage you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Agree with each other and don’t be divided into rival groups. Instead, be restored with the same mind and the same purpose. —1 Corinthians 1:10 I’m in them and you are in me so that they will be made perfectly one. Then the world will know that you sent me and that you have loved them just as you loved me. —John 17:23 God of Unity, Times are overwhelming and tensions are high; we lift up to you (Name/Names) and the division they are experiencing. This weighs heavy on their hearts, and you know their pain and struggle. You mourn for the division and contempt. This is not the unity of Spirit you showed us through Christ. Empower (Name/Names) to respond with humility, gentleness, and patience. May your love guide conversations and be present to mend spaces with peace. May unity with grace be the goal, as you lead (Name/Names) on this journey of reconciliation. We pray this through Christ our Lord. Amen. COVID-19 General Response The mountains may shift, and the hills may be shaken, but my faithful love won’t shift from you, and my covenant of peace won’t be shaken, says the Lord, the one who pities you. —Isaiah 54:10 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30 I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38-39 God of love and grace, you meet us at the point of our deepest need. In these unprecedented times during this pandemic, we pray for (Name/Names/All) who is/are carrying heavy and challenging burdens, fears, and anxieties brought on by this pandemic. Our hearts are saddened by the abundance of loss. The rising number of lives this pandemic is robbing from us causes overwhelming sadness, alarm, and anxiety. (Name/Names/All) needs/need your Spirit of Truth to fill (him/her/them/us) with your love that casts out all fear and has no end. Abiding in your grace, help (Name/Names/us) to know your peace that passes all understanding and to find rest and restoration in you. Guide, direct, and protect all who have the responsibility for the well-being of each human life and the well-being of the communities and nations in which we live. Help us to trust that nothing, not even this pandemic, can separate us from your love. Amen. Fear/Anxiety For God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of a good mind. —2 Timothy 1:7 NLV “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid.” —John 14:27 Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 God, our Sustainer, in the midst of all the unknowns, we come to you, lifting up (Name/Names) and their fear and anxiety of COVID-19. It feels unsettling and scary, and these times are uncertain. Remind us of your never-ending presence and peace. Surround (Name/Names) with security that is found only in you. Help (Name/Names) to breathe in your peace, and exhale the dismay and uncertainty. As a child of God, remind (Name/Names) of your love, and strengthen them for whatever challenges lie ahead, not with troubled hearts, but with a clear mind full of your power. Long-Haul Difficulties Oh, I must find rest in God only, because my hope comes from him! —Psalm 62:5 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 Keep on praying and guard your prayers with thanksgiving. —Colossians 4:2 O God of Compassion, we give you thanks for your constant companionship with (Name) during each passing day and restless night, often met with anxiety, frustration, or fear of the unknown. How long (Name) waits for relief, for refreshment, and for renewed sense of meaning and purpose! May your promise of hope renew and energize (Name’s) weary soul, and your grace sustain (him/her/them) on this long journey. When (Name) feels discouraged, place a new song in (his/her/their) heart. When change in this situation seems too far out of sight, and patience dwindles, awaken (Name), again and again, to your companionship with every step, as (he/she/they) recalls and gives thanks for your faithful love and goodness. Grant (Name) your strength and courage to face each day unafraid. And may (Name) know your peace as (he/she/they) rests in your promise of steadfast love. May we, as the body of Christ and companions with (Name) along this journey, be wise and understanding of ways we can bring healing and hope to (Name) as tangible reflections of your renewing love. With thanksgiving, and in Christ, we pray. Amen. Suggested Reading and Resources For the latest information regarding COVID-19: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html Coronavirus Anxiety Workbook by The Wellness Society Once Upon a Time Not So Long Ago by Jennifer Grant To access federal aid during the COVID-19 pandemic: https://www.benefits.gov/help/faq/Coronavirus-resources Resources to support youth and families during the COVID-19 pandemic: https://youth.gov/feature-article/covid-coronavirus-resources GRIEF AND LOSS Grief and loss can be complicated. There’s no right way to heal from grief, and though people learn to live with grief over time, there’s no prescribed timeline that lessens the hurt or eases the process. Be gentle with someone grieving. One can grieve the loss of a loved one to death, but grief also manifests in a variety of other circumstances: divorce, breakups, loss of friendship, moving to a new place, changing jobs, becoming a parent, failed expectations. It is not up to the care minister or caregiver to define what is worthy of grief. Only the person grieving can do that. Listen to them with the assurance that God laments with those who grieve. Death After a Terminal Diagnosis But we have this treasure in clay pots so that the awesome power belongs to God and doesn’t come from us. We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren’t crushed. We are confused, but we aren’t depressed. We are harassed, but we aren’t abandoned. We are knocked down, but we aren’t knocked out. We always carry Jesus’ death around in our bodies so that Jesus’ life can also be seen in our bodies. We who are alive are always being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake so that Jesus’ life can also be seen in our bodies that are dying. So death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. —2 Corinthians 4:7-12 Loving, healing God, we come to you with gratitude, knowing that you are walking with (Name) and their family. Lord, as (Name) has just received this diagnosis, we know you want the very best for (Name), so we ask that you bring the very best of medical care to them so that they might receive a modern miracle. Help (Name) to release the fear and anxiety that they may be feeling. With each breath, allow them to breathe in your peace, light, and love. Help (Name) and their family experience your holy hand providing them with new strength and peace. Help us as a church family to care for them as they walk this journey. All this we pray in the healing name of Jesus. Amen. As Condition Progresses I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38 Gracious Loving God, we come to you today thankful for your continued presence and help as (Name) continues to struggle with pain and weakness. We know that this can be a fearful time for (Name) and their family. We ask that you bless (Name) especially with new strength and assurance of your presence that (Name’s) days will have a greater connection to you as well as their family. Bring to (Name) and their family a peace that passes understanding as they share these sacred moments. All this we pray in the name of our great comforter Jesus. Amen. Dying Well God, your plans are incomprehensible to me! Their total number is countless! If I tried to count them—they outnumber grains of sand! If I came to the very end—I’d still be with you. —Psalm 139:17-2 God of Eternal Life and Love, In this time of change and challenge, fear and uncertainty, we ask that you will be with (Name), surrounding (him/her/them) with your peace and comfort, trusting that you abide with (him/her/them) still. (Name) is not alone, for You are with (him/her/them). May your presence be known and felt by (Name) and the family. Assure (Name) that you prepare a place for (him/her/them) where your steadfast love never ends. Walk with (Name), through this dark valley and into your glorious light. Assure (Name) and (family members’ names, if known) of your faithful love and compassion that comforts and strengthens them for this and every journey. May (Name) be free of pain and anxiety, renewed every morning by your great faithfulness. May (Name’s) witness of reliance upon you through this journey be a beacon of light and hope for all who walk in darkness. Be (Name’s) portion as (he/she/they) waits patiently for you to call (him/her/them) by name and welcome (him/her/them) home. Amen. When Death Is Imminent Please note that the most well-known version of Psalm 23 is the King James Version. While it may feel antiquated, it may be the case that this version provides the most comfort during this time. The Common English Bible version is also included below the KJV. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. —Psalm 23 KJV The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing. He lets me rest in grassy meadows; he leads me to restful waters; he keeps me alive. He guides me in proper paths for the sake of his good name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no danger because you are with me. Your rod and your staff— they protect me. You set a table for me right in front of my enemies. You bathe my head in oil; my cup is so full it spills over! Yes, goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the Lord’s house as long as I live. —Psalm 23 Merciful Lord of light and love, we are so grateful for your presence in this holy space with (Name). In the quiet of this room, bring to them a sense of divine peace that passes understanding. Bring to them assurance for their family and friends that you will be guiding them. Release them from their pain in your perfect timing that they may dance in your presence in their new spiritual body. All this we pray in the name of him who still teaches us to pray: Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Talking Points When the Hour Is Near When the family notifies the church that death may happen that day, go to the bedside. When you arrive at the home, hospital, or hospice, note the following: ​When death is imminent, make sure that you communicate to the family a sense of calm and assurance about the outcome. ​Have the family and friends circle around the bedside. ​Begin with the idea that this is a very sacred hour. The loved one has run the race and the most important people are gathered around. ​Speak as if that person is hearing every word you say, even if the person seems comatose. ​As the person nears death, you, the family, and friends gather around the bed to create a bridge to heaven. This is the essence of ministry as death draws near. ​Picture the time when the hour is near for the person who is dying. ​The person nearing death may rally for one last word. Just assume she or he doesn’t want to miss a word of what you are saying. ​Usher in peace and calm with your presence. With our ministry of presence as well as scriptural, spiritual guidance we can help them have an amazing Easter experience. After Death Has Occurred If you arrive at the home, hospital, or hospice after the person has died: ​pray, ​be a calming presence, ​respond first with “I’m so sorry,” ​take time to assess the needs of the various people present in the room, and ​invite hospital, hospice, or care staff to join the service. They certainly will have their moments of grief. They will feel the loss as surely as the family does, and this is a powerful ministry to them. If the Body Is Present ​Reading scripture is appropriate. ​Ask if you may anoint the body. The anointing of the body is not to be feared. It is biblical and extends a gracious holiness that both dispels fears and creates a holy service. ​Pray with thanksgiving for the ways that this person served with their hands (anoint hands) or their feet (anoint feet). Before Leaving ​Wait until after the mortuary comes for the body to talk about next steps. ​Make a plan with the responsible family or friends. ​Provide your contact information to the family (business card, email, and phone numbers). ​Collect their contact information. ​Agree on a time when you or the pastor might be able to meet with the family to plan a service, if needed. ​Always exit with a prayer and word of comfort. General Lament God, listen to my cry; pay attention to my prayer! When my heart is weak, I cry out to you from the very ends of the earth. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I am because you have been my refuge, a tower of strength in the face of the enemy. —Psalm 61:1-3 Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 In the same way, the Spirit comes to help our weakness. We don’t know what we should pray, but the Spirit himself pleads our case with unexpressed groans. —Romans 8:26 God of grace and love, we are grateful that you hear us and already are acting on our behalf long before we seek you. You are familiar with the loss and grief (Name) is experiencing and the anxious and fearful thoughts that accompany such pain and sadness. Make your presence known to (Name) during this most painfully difficult time, especially when (he/she/they) feels alone, adrift, or overwhelmed. Remind (Name) that nothing can separate (him/her/them) from your great love. May your Spirit be for (Name) the constant companion (he/she/they) needs to navigate through this time of grief. Remove all doubt and fear as (Name) abides in your presence, receiving your grace. Bring comfort, healing, and hope as you assure (Name) of your steadfast love and faithfulness. Restore in (Name) your light, joy, and peace as you hold (Name) in the palm of your strong hand. Thank you for hearing our prayers, those spoken and unspoken. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Loss of a Loved One Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud voice from the throne say, “Look! God’s dwelling is here with humankind. He will dwell with them, and they will be his peoples. God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. There will be no mourning, crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Then the one seated on the throne said, “Look! I’m making all things new.” He also said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” —Revelation 21:1-5 “Don’t be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me. My Father’s house has room to spare. If that weren’t the case, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you? When I go to prepare a place for you, I will return and take you to be with me so that where I am you will be too. You know the way to the place I’m going.” Thomas asked, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. “I won’t leave you as orphans. I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Because I live, you will live too.” —John 14:1-6a, 18-19 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no danger because you are with me. Your rod and your staff—they protect me. —Psalm 23:4 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I give to you not as the world gives. Don’t be troubled or afraid. You have heard me tell you, ‘I’m going away and returning to you.’ If you loved me, you would be happy that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than me.” —John 14:27-28 I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created. —Romans 8:38-39 God, we need your grace and strength to help us move forward. We need faith to place our trust in you. Help us to release our loved one to your eternal care. Help us to be honest about our feelings; and keep us from negative emotions that interfere with our ability to grieve well. Be light, comfort, and peace in our darkest moments. By your Spirit, may we embrace the promise you grant us in your love that never ends. May memories and stories of our loved ones uplift our spirits, carrying us forward into eternal hope. Amen. Divorce Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. —Isaiah 41:10 You, who have shown me many troubles and calamities, will revive me once more. From the depths of the earth, you will raise me up one more time. Please increase my honor and comfort me all around. —Psalm 71:20-21 “I’ve commanded you to be brave and strong, haven’t I? Don’t be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” —Joshua 1:9 So now there isn’t any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. —Romans 8:1 Then the one seated on the throne said, “Look! I’m making all things new.” He also said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” —Revelation 21:5 God of infinite love and understanding, pour out your healing spirit upon (Name) as (he/she/they) strives to let go of past hurts and broken dreams in hopes of making a new beginning. Where there is hurt or bitterness, grant (Name) healing of memories and the ability to put behind (him/her/them) the painful things of the past. Where feelings of despair or worthlessness flood in, please nurture in (Name) a spirit of hope. Give (Name) the confidence that, by your power, tomorrow can be better than yesterday. Heal (Name’s) children, other family members, and friends, and help us, as your caring church, to minister well to them. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Talking Points ​Your worth is not tied to your marital status. At your creation, God called you “very good.” ​Divorce is a painful loss and will involve grieving. ​Dating immediately after a divorce can stifle the healing you need, because you might try to find your healing in another person. ​You will need to eventually forgive, for your own sake. Forgiveness blesses you as you release the control your ex-spouse had over your feelings. ​Forgiving too soon can be hazardous to your healing. When you do forgive, you may decide to do it with your own ritual (for example, writing the word forgiveness on paper and burning it). ​Saying “I forgive you” to an ex-spouse often incites more anger and pain. ​If you are a parent, do not treat your kids, regardless of their ages, as your caregivers or best buddies. ​Make space for your kids (of all ages) to share their pain and grief even if their pain causes you guilt or hurt. They need you. ​Teenage daughters need particular attention during divorce: research shows that they are more likely to behave in overly sexualized ways, adopt an eating disorder, or cut themselves. Suggested Reading and Resources Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 2017) Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 2016) Radical Recovery: Transferring the Despair of Your Divorce into an Unexpected Good by Suzy Brown Divorce recovery groups for men, women, and children Marriage and family therapists Other categories of care are included in the Care Cards available through The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection bookstore, The Well. Breakup God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. —Psalm 147:3 I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with your heart, you will find me. I will be present for you, declares the Lord. —Jeremiah 29:11-14a Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with each other and, if someone has a complaint against anyone, forgive each other. As the Lord forgave you, so also forgive each other. And over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. —Colossians 3:12-14 Healer of broken dreams, we thank you for your open invitation to come before you when life gets messy and broken relationships that once offered assurance, happiness, security, and hope cut like fragmented shards of glass in our hearts. Bind (Name’s) wounds of rejection, disappointment, betrayal, shame, or doubt, and remind (Name) of your steadfast love that never ends for (him/her/them). Hold (Name) together as (he/she/they) searches for you in the space of hurt where grace can grow and healing begin. Let (Name) not grow bitter or absent of loving or being loved again. Help (Name) to extend and receive the freedom in forgiveness and the power in “letting go” and letting God grant a future filled with hope. And make us, the body of Christ, bearers of such hope for (Name), and others experiencing brokenness, bound together by your grace and in your love that has no end. In Christ. Amen. Loss of How Things Used to Be Trust in the Lord with all your heart; don’t rely on your own intelligence. Know him in all your paths, and he will keep your ways straight. —Proverbs 3:5-6 Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. —Philippians 3:7 NRSV The Lord proclaims: A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and wailing. It’s Rachel crying for her children; she refuses to be consoled, because her children are no more. —Jeremiah 31:15 God of comfort, for the longing of the way things used to be, for the sorrow and sadness, we lift up (Name/Names) in your care. We are grateful that we do not walk this road alone, but in all things, your presence guides (Name/Names) in their grief. We lift this loss unto you, and you are here to listen and offer comfort. Mend their broken hearts, bind up the wounds, and pour out your mercy and grace. By your Spirit, grant (Name/Names) peace in this parting, and help them to trust you with all their heart. We pray this through Christ our Lord. Amen. When Things Aren’t What You Thought They’d Be Make your ways known to me, Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth—teach it to me—because you are the God who saves me. I put my hope in you all day long. —Psalm 25:4-5 My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:19 KJV Happy are those who trust in the Lord, who rely on the Lord. They will be like trees planted by the streams, whose roots reach down to the water. They won’t fear drought when it comes; their leaves will remain green. They won’t be stressed in the time of drought or fail to bear fruit. —Jeremiah 17:7-8 God of insight and wisdom, we give you thanks for your redeeming love and boundless grace that meets (Name) in (his/her/their) chaos and confusion, offering a new perspective, and thus, a new way of life. Before (Name) was awakened to the truth as things are, you were aware of (Name’s) need for new insight, guidance, and wisdom. Help (Name) trust in your provisions and your ability to navigate (him/her/them) through unexpected or uncharted territories. Grant your peace for the things about this situation that (Name) cannot control, the courage to bring about the change that needs to occur for wholeness and well-being, and understanding to know the difference. My we, as the body of Christ serve as beacons of light and hope for (Name) with love and grace. Thank you for being the God of second chances and new beginnings. In Christ, we pray. Amen. Letting Go Don’t remember the prior things; don’t ponder ancient history. Look! I’m doing a new thing; now it sprouts up; don’t you recognize it? I’m making a way in the desert, paths in the wilderness. —Isaiah 43:18-19 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, … a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. —Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 4, 5b Commit your way to the Lord! Trust him! He will act. —Psalm 37:5 God, please help (Name) to release into your loving care that which (he/she/they) has held so tightly, in sure and certain hope that in doing so, (he/she/they) may know your peace and experience relief from anxious tensions and fear of uncertainties rooted deeply in holding on to what needs to be released to you. Help (Name) to trust that this decision to “let go” will bring healing and wholeness in due time and a renewed sense of direction and purpose. Remind (Name) of your abiding presence and steadfast love that accompanies (Name) with each step along a new path of promise and hope. May (Name) not worry about tomorrow, but rather place (his/her/their) cares and concerns in your grip, knowing that your grace is sufficient to meet (Name’s) every need. You will always act on (his/her/their) behalf with faithfulness and steadfast love. During this time of transition, make us, as the body of Christ, a beacon of light and hope for (Name), that (he/she/they) might be complete in you. Thank you for faithfulness toward (Name) and abiding presence. Amen. Talking Points and Facts about Grief and Loss ​Grief includes a sadness that is unique to, and a natural response to, loss. You can plan ways to grieve. ​You can talk aloud with a trusted confidant (or write in a journal) about the feelings you’re experiencing. In naming and being honest about all your feelings (which may be conflicting and seem irrational), you will recognize there is nothing wrong with your feelings. ​How you choose to respond to your feelings is important (and this is critical work). ​When you ask the “why” question (and you will), you will recognize that, while there may be answers, those answers won’t alleviate the nagging question, “Yes, but why my loved one?” ​You must recognize that this is normal. ​When you become occupied with questions such as “Why me?” or “Why my loved one?” you might try asking aloud the opposite questions, which are “Why not me? Why should I be exempt from these experiences that happen every day in this fallen world?” ​When you ask God and yourself this question, you might be surprised (and helped) by the honest answers. Above all, remember that through the unconditional love of Jesus Christ, you are an Easter person; you are a person of the Resurrection. ​You will certainly grieve that you no longer have your loved one close to you, and you may have grief for what you perceive your loved one suffered prior to death; but, upon going through death, your loved one is in the shepherding arms and eternal care of God (Romans 8:35, 37-39). Suggested Reading and Resources Why? by Adam Hamilton When the One You Love Is Gone by Rebekah L. Miles Beyond the Broken Heart by Julie Yarbrough A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and Its Aftermath by Harold Ivan Smith When Grief Breaks Your Heart by James Moore When a Child Dies, edited by Richard Hipps And Then Mark Died by Susan Sonnenday Vogel Grieving a Suicide by Albert Y. Hsu What Do We Tell the Children? by Joseph Primo Grief groups Professional counseling Infertility, Miscarriage, and Stillbirth We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience. —Romans 8:24-25 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary. —Isaiah 40:31 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” —Matthew 5:4 NRSV Be happy in your hope, stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and devote yourselves to prayer. —Romans 12:12 Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6-7 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. —2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Lifegiving God, we come to you hurt and broken, trying to understand why this life that we had hoped to bring into this world is now gone from us. We only know that where there was sweet expectation, now there is bitter disappointment; where there was hope and excitement, there is a sense of failure and loss. We have seen how fragile life is and nothing can replace this life, this child, whom we have loved before seeing, before feeling it stirring in the womb. In our pain and confusion we look to you, Lord God, in whom no life is without meaning. Prepare my body and please bring to us the right doctors and modern miracles that we might create a child. Give us your compassion that we might live forward. In Christ’s name. Amen. Talking Points/Information Regarding Infertility ​Today one in six couples (17 percent) is infertile. ​Infertile women have depression scores that are basically indistinguishable from those of women with cancer, heart disease, or hypertension. The psychological toll of infertility cannot be underestimated. ​Infertility is the inability to conceive after trying for twelve months. ​Primary infertility is not being able to have a live birth of your first child. Secondary infertility is the inability to have a live birth of a child after previously having a child. ​Listen and allow the woman/couple time to share their feelings of pain. ​Connecting them with others who have had this experience is helpful. Suggested Reading Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples Facing Infertility by Sandra Glahn and William Cutter The Infertility Companion: Hope and Help for Couples Facing Infertility by Sandra Glahn and William Cutter Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling with Infertility by Marlo Schlaesky Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss by Adriel Booker Talking Points/Information Particular to Miscarriage ​Miscarriage is losing a fetus before it is able to survive independently, usually any time prior to twenty-eight weeks. ​Recognize that mothers and fathers may feel very similar pain and expressions of grief, but they may also have very different, and what may seem like extreme, emotions. ​Many times people grieve silently, remembering their miscarriage dates without saying a word to anyone. The due date may be a trigger for grief. ​A miscarriage will cause physical and hormonal changes that need to be respected.